hello.darkness.my.old.friend.we.meet.again.

MonoSodiumGlutamate is LOVE

2006-12-10T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hello hello! It has really been awhile hasn't it? Notice how all my latest post all start like this? HAHA. I've abandoned my blog one too many times. How unfortunate.

I feel a bit paranoid when I'm alone at home. Y'know, you get this nagging feeling something's moving or someone's staring at you. I don't know man, maybe it's just me.

*hicks*

You know, good ole' maggi mee now doesn't have MSG!!! and it taste like plastic. :( i'm depressed. Bring back the good ole glorious days of MonoSodiumGlutamate.

Ohkaye. I think this is getting way too random for my liking but I have not blogged in ages and i miss the feeling man! WOOOT! It's like liberation. Let's update on what has happened in this... what... one year? Since i stopped blogging.

I have a baby, his name is Aaron and he's 19 years old this year.
I am currently a wakeboarder, and i LOVE it to BITS! (KRUSH KRUSH KRUSH! Haha. Like i'll ever get it)
I am currently doing Marketing and Tourism and lovin' it!
Life's been pretty kind to me and i don't really have anything to complain about, prolly cept' my lack of social life.
HAHA.

yea. that's about it.

i feel like drinking Bubble Tea, or like how Amanda puts it Buble(as in michael buble)-tay. Say it in a phoney french accent.

OK. so much for my first entry after my hiatus.

Peace.

Untitled.

2005-09-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

who is that girl you forgot?

when you just stop and ponder. stop looking at yourself in the mirror. have you ever thought that perhaps there are other people in the world besides yourself?

what's wrong with you fuckers?

fuckers.

dumb fuckers.

i hate you all.

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i'm usually not like that. i swear.

but maybe it's because you don't know me enough.

i really try. hard. so hard that sometimes i punish myself in my sleep.

wait. what sleep.

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the little butterfly tried to fly.

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random thoughts.

for the random mind.

i just wish you knew.

YOU. is not singular. in this particular case.

when was the last time i felt this way?

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the little butterfly flew out of one trap.

into another.

the little butterfly thought it was beautiful.

thought.

perceived.

and lied to itself.

disillusioned.

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the little butterfly is tired.

it doesn't want you anymore.

it has decided to rest.

no.

wait.

what IS rest?
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in this world filled with music.

the little butterfly flies.

alone.

happy.

unhurt

by the words YOU say.

in this little palace.

of little butterflies.

where you can't touch it.

touch HER.

touch ME.

YOU. are just too lame.

2005-07-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

HO HO HO!!! Santa Claws is back once again. With newly manicured nails (frenchie!!!) that are capable of winning a scratch-fest against a cat but sadly VERY handicapped in typing. My fingernails, long but pretty, no less, have made me an imbecile. A total imbecile.

There've been so many things i've been dying to blog about but unfortunately, due to a certain subject called CSA- Computer Screws Arses which has tested my patience with a certain web page designing project using a programme called Macromedia Nightmareweavers, I haven't had the time, nor the energy to blog, though i was on the comp every single maddening day, almost 8 hours each time.

Now that my nightmares are over and i've received due payment for my services i finally have a little spare time left over for me to blog. Awww... my loyal fans must have been dissapointed in the past week.

"What has happened to Pei Lin, our dear Blog Queen? Oh! she has stopped blogging again! Oh no! Woe is us! We are useless without her insightful and entertaining blog entries! Life is meaningless..."

Yes yes, don't worry, i have not gone on a hiatus.

Talking about Blogsphere's royalty, i do wonder, or rather, i let my imagination run wild and i think, will i ever become famous from blogging, and what are the consequences? I don't wanna be famous because i get flamed all the time due to the content of my entries. I don't wanna be famous because i posted my bare essentials on the World Wide Web. Neither do i wanna be a famous blogger due to the fact that i don't actually blog, but photolog and the only words on my blog are captions.

I wonder how those so-called FAMOUS blogs, get famous in the first place?

After reading some blogs which people proclaim are FAMOUS, i honestly don't see anything worthy of being noticed. True, they might write well and all, but there is really nothing that really interests me when i read them. I don't exactly know how to describe what they write, but it just plain doesnt seem interesting at all! (Sounds frustrating, yes i know.)

And, have you noticed? Bloggers, or rather the FAMOUS ones, more often that not, have gargantuan egos. Does it take an egoistic, narcissistic bitch/bastard to be a good, oh no excuse me, i mean FAMOUS blogger? I really don't know. But it sure seems like it to me.

I like to blog-surf. I like to read blogs that are written by good natured yet funny people. I don't like to read blogs that are filled with "You might hate me, but too bad."s and "You are my reader therefore i'm better than you and you better not ask anything from me you stupid loser."s.

In the first place, don't tell me you blog to read it yourself? Don't tell me you are perfectly contented with spending all that time and effort blogging without anyone besides yourself reading it?

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT. not at all.

Perhaps i don't see it from THEIR point of view. I guess it's true that THEIR every word and every move is scrutinized over the web with anyone and everyone reading it and it's not easy to be tolerant with readers who flame you for no fucking reason just because they misunderstood what you meant. And i guess it's really impossible to make everyone happy.

You know the age old argument "If you don't like me, don't read my blog la!" ?

I'm shocked people are still using it. Don't you know, people like to hate, people need an object/character to put on a pedestal of hatred. People NEED to hate. There's is no point telling your flamers to STOP reading your blog if they hate you so much. There is no point getting worked up about people who flame you as they hide behind the safety of their computer screen. And i don't get why people swear they wouldn't get angry because of flamers and still do in the end.

I thought stupid people can say what stupid things they want?

I guess THEY still care.

Enough about blogging. Let's talk about the world of Meritocracy. Since Singapore's 40th Birthday is coming i guess it's only right for me to blog about it like for ONCE. In fact, what i want to blog about doesn't really have much to do with National Day, it's just that all that NE has really gotten to my head and i want to say something about this thing called Meritocracy, or rather, the non-existance of it.

You know how every year when the O Levels' results are out and how all the RGS RI HWA CHONG-ians get to go on tv and flash their geeky faces for once in their sad life time due to the fact that they get like what 9 As or 10As or whatnot. Ya. Now do you notice that there is such a thing called a MALAY SCHOLAR and an INDIAN SCHOLAR, but no such thing as a CHINESE SCHOLAR?????

If racial harmony was a person, he would have slashed his wrists.

You see how hypocritical the whole system is?

What happened to equality of all races? What does it mean when you have to point out that particular scholar is a MALAY SCHOLAR? What exactly does that mean?

Are you trying to say that you must categorise because the races cannot compete with each other equally and fairly? Is this what all that NE nonsense has come down to? Is this what you call Meritocracy, that you reward certain people due to their races? What if a Malay or Indian Scholar gets 7As and I'm Chinese and i get 7As but i don't get to flash my geeky face on television just because i'm Chinese and the Chinese Scholar, who is just called THE Scholar, scored 10As?

I don't know why nobody questioned the system before, but then again, I shouldn't be too surprised. How many Singaporeans question anyway. Those that do get put behind bars or sued till they have no money to pay for defamation and have to volunteer to put themselves behind bars all the same.

So much for Happy Birthday Singapore.

Incidentally, I fucking hate people who speak Mandarin or their mother tongue in front of friends of other races, but mostly its the Chinese who do that. HELLLO? They don't understand what the fuck you are saying so speak in English can? Can you imagine if you go to France and everyone fuck cares that you cannot understand French and they don't even make and effort to notice that and someone says a joke and everyone's lauging and all you are left wondering is: Are they laughing at me?

Would YOU like that? Too many people i know don't even notice it when they do it. It's so particularly selfish and insensitive and unkind and yet no one really bothers to make an effort. People, it's time to wake up. Before our country turns officially to an AUNTIE, can we stop pushing this SHIT called Racial Harmony, claiming that we actually practice it and teach it in schools, and yet still go ahead to announce everything in Mandarin as if this is CHINA.

STOP making the stupid National Day theme song in Mandarin la. The English version is enough. If Taufik doesn't get a chance to sing it in Malay, why should Rui En get to sing it in Mandarin?

Exam fevers. panadol is not an option.

2005-07-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

oH mY GoSh! I CanNOt STaNd thIs LoRx. PeoPle WhO TyPe LiKE THIs ShOUld Be shoT In ThEiR aRmPiTs aNd HaVe aLl tHe hAiR PuLlEd oUt fRoM ThEiR NoStRiLs 1 By 1 LoRx. sO IwEeTaTiNg WoRx. I KnOw yOu pEoPlE GoT No cREaTiViTy bUt nO nEeD To tYpE LiKe dAt tO GeT PpL's aTtEnTiOn WaDz! U MaKe mE BlInD U NoEz??!? wAiT I AsK My sTeAd tO WhAck u Ah!

Pfft. Pleast pardon me if the above immitation was inaccurate. I am an uncertified lian, and thus cannot comprehend the gist of DySfUnCtIoNaL tYpInG and incomprehensible English.

i also cannot stand people who type and type and type without punctuation and paragraphing none whatsoever it's as though their life depended on it hello there is such a thing called a fullstop comma question mark and exclaimation mark and all that and you just have to press the Enter key like once twice to make your bloody page look more presentable and readable are you stupid was your enter key stolen or did your hamster eat it or did YOU eat it you sicko oh my gosh its giving me a headache i hope your hamster bites your fingers off and you never get to type again.

oh my goodness gracious me.

Conscience does not exist anymore.

2005-06-30T04:04:00.000-07:00

Today. a teacher of mine asked me a question.

What is your blog's URL?

I refused to answer. It's too private. I don't want HIM reading it.

In fact, i don't really wish to have people from my class knowing this site exists. It's just so so wrong for them to read it. I don't know why.

Perhaps i'm afraid i might be misunderstood.

Perhaps i'm afraid i might be judged.

Whatever it is, besides those who've already been here done that, i wish to have no more new visitors from my class.

I should remove the URL on my friendster account.

Yes yes. That shall be done soon.

I don't understand why i wasn't afraid before, to let all my other friends read it. Perhaps it's because they knew me enough to know that the animosity displayed here is just a result of frustration and more often that not, is a temporary situation.

Yes. I admit. I'm afraid they would not understand.

I'm trying. Really hard. Not to be someone i don't wanna be.

Not to pretend to be someone better. But it's difficult.

I don't think anyone would understand.

I'm trying to control my goosebumps. But sometimes it just doesn't work and i'm sorry for being that way.

I'm sorry for my self-perceived hierarchy.

Perhaps it doesn't exist at all and i'm disillusioning myself into believing i'm made of something else. Something better. Something you don't have.

Something you probably would never have.

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Does it make you a slut to be comfortable with your sexuality?

Does it make you less than a slut if you do it on a porn site for money?

Does it make you a better person if you hide when you sin?

Do you think you are any better when you look at a girl's body and go "fucking slut" but you fantasize about her all the same?

Screw you.

Oh wait no. Screw yourself. I wouldn't want to have the honor.

Its revolting.

I'm talking about the Sarong Party Girl controversy. Yes yes i know, it's really passe and no one's talking about it already. But i have to say something. I just have the need to. After i was exposed to what people in my class think of her. This is of course, just my opinion. But obviously since you are here you are interested in my opinion so you better listen up.

How many people would kill to be that comfortable with their sexuality. Their need for sex. How many people?

How many people have lied that they are virgins just to fit in?

Just how many?

I'm sure you know. You're probably one of them.

Don't call her a slut just because she's doing what you wouldn't ever have the balls to do.

She's a Singaporean.

Can you actually believe it? In a freakin' conservative country with hardass government officials and rules plastered on every wall, here rises a girl, only 19, mind you, who is daring enough to bare her body, though not exactly beautiful, but her bare body, and is willing, too, to bear the consequences.

You are beneath that. So don't you dare call her a slut, or horrible, or whatever you can come up with with your limited vocabulary.

And honestly. What makes me really curious is that, how is it, that if so many people are disgusted by her actions, the number of hits on her blog could suddenly increase to a 5 digit number overnight?

It's disgusting isn't it?

It's so easy to point at someone and see all their mistakes. But could it be because you're jealous of them? Could it be because you secretly wanna be like them. It's all the same. Everyone is the same. I'm no exception.

I look at the crazy lifestyles some girls i know live. Clubbing, going out till the wee hours every night, drinking booze, getting stoned.

It's so easy for me to look at them and go: BAH. What kinda lame life do they live? Don't they have anything else better than to get out and get stoned and possibly get raped?

But deep inside there's this voice i know exists. Telling me that i'm disgusted because they are doing what i would never have the guts to do and will never be able to bring myself to do. Flirting with danger, as Mr Seow so aptly puts it.

I wanna club, but i'm too sensible and conscious to bring myself to. This innate desire to let go of myself bugs me and i'll never be able to fulfil it cause i know, I'm just not capable of being like them.

I am jealous. Therefore i despise.

Aren't you just the same? Isn't everyone just like that too? Looking at other people having what they have and they just can't help but be filled up with angst and hate.

It's the same damn thing with SPG. You hate her. Not because you really do. But because you want it. How she lives, her life, as though it was the only life she was ever going to live. You want to live like her. With no regrets. But you're too chicken to. Therefore the word Slut just comes so easily and naturally.

Hypocrisy. There's too much of it in the atmosphere. It's stifling me.

On a side note: You don't know what love is. You never knew and you will never find out. You disgust me. What i thought was devotion i now know is plain reliance. Actually, i already knew, you just reaffirmed me. i can't believe i was your friend.

Flabbergasted.

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If you read this. Hold on ok girl? I'm here for you. Yes you. I'm talking to you. The one who reads my blog and imitates what i write here whenever you see me.

You wouldn't dare.

2005-06-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

You see the whole problem with my life is that.

get this.

There are too little guys.

Now now, before you get me wrong, i'm not some guy-whoring whore. i don't live for men cause we all know they are all dicks underneath everything else (pun unintended), but it's how girls behave around guys that make me feel so damn sick.

The problem with my life is, no matter where i'm studying, there are always a shortage of guys in my class. I suspect, that Romancing Singapore didn't quite work out for the government and they have decided to start young.

I suspect, they meddle with the class arrangements in every institution to make sure that the girl to guy ratio in every class is 10: 2.

How fucking unfair is that?

You might ask. If you didn't give a shit about guys, then why are you complaining?

HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING?!?!

I repeat: it's the way the girls behave in front of the guy because there are so little guys that piss the hell out of me.

When there are like, let's say, 7 guys in a class, the girls are bound to surround them rite? And the guys are like home-free! They get to hang out with any girl they want and they don't have to compete for attention.

No wonder they all become wimps eventually. But that's not the point.

The point is i look at the way some girls smile so radiantly when guys talk to them when before they were looking as though their cat got run down by a double decker bus with spiked tyres.

I look at the way they change their attitude when guys talk to them as compared to when I talk to them. Their voice changes from Sadako's to Strawberry Shortcake's. Though i reckon both are equally disgusting.

I look at the way they will do ANY favour for the guy yet when i ask them to they give me the 'who-am-i-to-you' look.

It pains me.

It makes me feel like killing the guys.

It makes me feel like killing the girls.

Sometimes, it even makes me feel like killing myself. Cause i don't wanna be like this too! I don't wanna give a shit about the guys, but when i do that it makes me hostile, but i'm not a hostile person and that makes me confused. And then i get so pissed i just wanna kill everyone.

Even in SA there were only like 4 or 5 damn guys in a class, and though things weren't that bad cause really we were all just friends, it was just still wrong. I felt as though i was still in a girls school. You know, that really screws things up. I would much rather being in a girls' school than being in a co-ed school with a majority of girls.

WHAT IS THE POINT?!

Girls bitch. BUT, when there are guys, but only a limited number, especially when there are a limited number, girls bitch even more!

Another question: why do girls forgive guys so easily but they can just as easily hate their girlfriends over some little shit?

Can anyone answer my question? Cause i honestly believe i can live without men. They can all go suck my toes.

Girls. Let's practice Ignore a Guy for a Day.

It's good for your skin.

And here's to you Guys: If you happen to like a girl, just wait and see. See how she treats her girlfriends. Listen to how she speaks to her girlfriends. More often that not, girls who treat their girlfriends really well are the truly nice ones.

But what do you care. A blow-up doll would do just fine.

Hour glass figure + Looks + Plastic smell (you need a psychiatrist) = Perfect Girl.

At least they don't bitch. So hey! They are in fact the perfect girlfriends!

Get one for yourself today! Sold in all major sex toys stores. Clothes sold seperately. Brains not included.
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Now. To something else.

I want to thank somebody for caring for me even though I was fine already. I appreciate it ALOT. As much as how i want to eat Fried Mars Bars. I never thought anyone would really try to find out what went wrong but apparently you did. And i thank you for that. Our friendship's kinda weird ain't it. Weird but good. =)

I just wanna say. THANK YOU.

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Concentrated tea powder.

2005-06-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

i've just been ordered to update my blog.

WHY OH WHY?

Why carn people just leave poor me alone and stop coercing me into typing my entire life on to the net?

Oh. WOE IS ME.

But then again. Said person claims that he's a fan of my site. And, as i quote Dai Wei "And
update your blog la...yes I admit it's on my favourites."

I'm touched. All over... hmm. yum.

ok anyways. what I think is. even if i do update this long forsaken blog, would anyone read it? I mean perhaps everybody thinks it's already defunct and no one would read it and i'll be updating for nothing?

yes? no?

but. ah. what the heck. since i'm here already. i MIGHT as WELL.

you see, the deal with me with not updating my blog is this. i'm sick of typing SOOOO much, just to hear people go: " wah. so many words. i dunch wan to read already la."

DAMN YOU ILLITERATES!

I DAMN YOU TO ETERNITY IN HELL AND HOPE THAT ALL THE BAD THINGS IN THE WORLD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOU ONLY!

It's a blog. Not a picture book. You wan a picture book on the net? Go watch porn la.

... tsk.

It pisses me off that people only give a damn about blogs which have pictures of them. Is there anyone left who actually appreciates writing at its purest form? Do i have to become a picture whore to get your attention?

poof.

HO HO HO.

Let's talk about my life now.

Just two nights ago, i tried to cut myself. I can't remember whether it was plainly experimental, or i was feeling truly depressed. I guess it was a mixture of both. I was just feeling so lousy and so distant from myself and from everything else. It was just surreal.

I remembered this documentary about self-mutilation and this girl was saying how she used to cut herself with her name tag cause it was the most convenient thing around. I saw the nametag on my table and decided to give it a try.

I know. It's stupid.

But the deal is, after i attempted to cut myself (dun fret it's hardly a scratch. i don't have the balls), i realised why people do it.

You see, when you take the name tag and try to carve something on your bare skin, you tend to focus all your attention on that particular act, and after it's done, OR in my case, after you realised how painful it actually is and you stop doing it, you tend to forget what you had been originally depressed about.

Well, at least for the moment.

And at least that was what had happened to me.

It seemed as though the emotional pain was lost in between me trying to poke the sharp end of the needle into my skin and realising how stupid it was.

Perhaps you wouldn't understand. It's a feeling that is not easily explained in words.

I was lost for awhile. Last week. I suddenly felt that my life was not worth living for and i was living for nothing. There was no one i could talk to about it. And the truth is i did talk to my parents about feeling that way and yet after their counselling i felt that nothing had really changed.

And i thought to myself. Will anyone ever understand how i feel? Will I myself ever understand how i feel? Will i ever feel happy?

I was dazed for awhile. Walked around the room, which is incindentally NOT very big, and there was nothing in my mind. Just blankness. A dark vacuum with absolutely nothing in it.

i was scared. as i've been for the past 16 years of my life.

I don't want to be that way anymore. I really don't. I swore i would change. Right after i attempted to cut myself with that damn name tag.

And then the next day i forced myself to change. I read somewhere that if you're upset, just pretend to be happy and the simple act of smiling, whether it's a genuine one or not, can cheer yourself up. Strange isn't it? How people always tell us to stop faking happiness when really the pros say it works.

And that was my epiphany. And i guess it worked. I tried to talk more to the people in my class though most of it was just bull shit and i tried to speak in a cheery voice. I'm not sure whether it worked but i felt happier. I didn't feel mellow.

Incidentally, i hate it when people say i always look very sian. I can't help it. I can't help it that you're boring me. I can't help it that i don't share your frequency. I definitely can't help it when i wanna tell you a joke but i know you would never get it. It's not my fault.

There. So much for an inspiring entry.

I think i do much better when i bitch about other people in my blog. No?

Perhaps, i should talk about something more light hearted. Lets talk about poly.

I honestly don't feel a thing for it. Like, blankness? You ask me whether i like poly life and i go.....

HUH.

It's like i don't adore it, yet i don't hate it, and i don't feel a damn thing for it. It's like i'm totally numb from it.

The deal with poly is that there's no school spirit. You don't get together every morning to massacre the national anthem, you don't get to shove each other in the morning to get onto the parade square on time, you can't snigger at the person making the announcment at the balcony like at SA.

" Good morning Saints. I'm Kenneth...."

It's just so...............

Disembered. Yes. That's the word.

gosh. lemme tell you something. Throughout this whole damn entry i've been itching to bitch about someone. But i'm trying to resist. I know you want to know. But i'm not sure whether it's right to do it.

................

ARGH.

help me.

and i give in. as usual.

I don't like to be bossed around. I don't like it when you speak as though you are older than me, though you are. You think you know everything but i know you know jack shit. You always talk to me like you know so much better than me and you're trying to teach me to be a better person. I don't think you are even a good person. I thought you were nice. But as always, impressions change and your reared your fugly head.

If you expect all girls to be virgins, then you better be one too.

If you expect people to be cold hard bastards and bitches then don't complain when they are cold hard bastards and bitches to YOU.

(He* said that it was stupid to give away 5 million to charity if you won 10 million in a lottery.)

If YOU are a cold hard bastard then two can play the game. Don't be a wuss and tell everyone how you have been bullied.

If you want to tell someone about your problems, don't call them in the middle of the night, and yet at the end of the day you do nothing to solve your problems. SOME people are actually NOT nocturnal! (WOW! FUN FACT!)

If You don't have the intention of solving your own problem, and yet you bitch about it all the time, don't expect anyone to pity you.

It pisses me off. You piss me off.

I hate guys who expect girls to be pure and all. You should all go to hell.

Girls don't have to do anything for YOUR DAMN SAKE. Girls don't have to not enjoy sex just to be a virgin for THE ONE GUY. Cause we all know there is NO ONE GUY. And every guy will just FUCK YOU UP one way or the other. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON GUYS SHOULD MIND THAT THEIR GIRL IS NOT A VIRGIN.

unless of cos the guy is one. but that is most unlikely.

gosh. what happened to light hearted.

There are just too many things i wanna talk about but there's no one to bitch to in school. I say something that was meant as a joke and someone* will go "Why you so bad?"

Like..........what?

That's bad? Wait till you read my blog.

Bah. You can ALL GO TO HELL.

Seems like there's no way to salvage this entry. Un-light hearted it shall be.

Till next time. TUNE IN TO BITCH CENTRAL =)

Why do girls wanna be princesses?

2005-05-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

Hello! hello! Have i been missed? i have to apologise. it's been a while. a very long while as a matter of fact. my fingers can't seem to type properly anymore.

Honestly. i wonder how many people are disappointed when they click on my blog's URL which is so OBVIOUSLY on their Favourites, and they realise that i'm not updating. Oh please do tell me if you're one of them.

OR. perhaps my loyal fans have been disappointed one too many times and have decided never, never, ever to set foot, or in this case, index finger, on my blog! my glorious glorious blog!

So well, here's good news! I'M BACK! OFFICIALY.

i dun really know why i was gone.

It's like you think: ok. i wun blog today. mayb tmr.

And the next day you are like: uh. another day wun hurt. Haven't met any more psychos on public transport yet. so might as well wait till i do and blog about it then.

And thus, as follows in this pattern, i end up abandoning my beloved blog.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!

You must be wondering. So, if i haven't been blogging, and i have no school to attend, what the hell have i been up to?!?!

Well. All i have to say is. Life has not been smooth sailing for me ever since i got kicked out of SAJC. I've been close to sprouting widom teeth, losing something which i thought i wouldn't lose, and engraving the television schedule onto my defunct brain, AND not to forget, horrible nightmares.

Let's talk about the first incident.

One day, i had an ulcer on my lower right lip. Ulcers are like on the top ten list of things which irritate the hell out of me due to the inconveniences they cause. You have the tendency to bite them and then they bleed like there's no tmr and you carn eat anything with salt on it cause it'll burn the ulcer like salt on a snail (please dun try salt on a snail. it's utterly disgusting and cruel).

So anyway, life still has to go on even when you are suffering in the wrath of the Royal Ulcerness, so i decided to eat apples. Remember the ulcer was on the lower right lip? Therefore it only made sense to me to eat the apples with the left side of my mouth. You see when you chew hard stuff, you have the tendency to use the back of your mouth, the very last few teeth (are they molars?), and so i did just that.

But after that, when i went to sleep, i felt this strange sensation at the back of my mouth, at the part with the gum after your last tooth on the lower jaw, the part where the wisdom tooth supposedly sprouts out from. i thought it was just because i have been overusing that part due to my ulcer and i just forgot about it and fell asleep.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

The next morning, it swell to the size of a fucking marble! Can you imagine a marble at the back of your mouth??? I couldn't bite, i couldn't sallow. i couldn't even talk. There was constant spit dribbling out of my mouth as i couldn't swallow my very own spit!

Imagine that.

The very worst thing was no doctor or dentist could do anything about it! The dentist said that i had to wait till the wisdom tooth sprouted. Until then, he could do nothing about it.

I thought i was going to die from pain.

I refused to eat because it was too painful. But after much cajoling from my parents i decided to have some tau huay. Little did i know that the tau huay was going to save me from all the pain i was going through. Turns out the little marble at the back of my mouth was filled with pus, from God knows where, and when i started to eat, something, possibly the tau huay, managed to burst the little marble, and all the yellowy, disgusting, saltish pus came flowing out. But all these happened, not before i had to suffer 2 whole damn days of living without food and looking like a retard with drool all over myself.

So.... what have i learned from this horrible little episode?

You know the action of swallowing your own spit? Treasure it. A simple act like this doesn't even require thinking. It's a simple body reflex which i'm certain most people don't even take note of, but when one day, you lose the ability to do such a simple thing, you start to treasure it. Like how you should always treasure little things and people who have been there all this while, without you noticing. Cause when these things are lost, they are irreplacable.

And that, is the story of The Not So Nearly There Wisdom Tooth.

Now, let's move on. I will not elaborate on THE THING WHICH I THOUGHT I WOULDNT LOSE BUT CAME CLOSE TO LOSING, cause it's just too personal. But here's a side note.

Don't ever base your existance, or even your value, on anyone else besides yourself.

It's just something that i've learned and i hope no one will ever follow in my footsteps, because nothing's forever and nobody will be there for you forever, so love yourself for yourself, not because of the people who love you. Cause the people who love you can stop loving you anytime, but the love for yourself is unlimited.

Hope you understand.

Now, on a lighter note, due to my very abnormal sleeping hours (1.00am-1.00pm), i have been experiencing nightmares. These nightmares are not HOO-HAA! Scary, but Warped Scary. Perhaps i should explain.

I think, it was last week. I had a dream about Bo Bice, the american idol rocker guy. I dreamt that i was out with him at the beach, to look at the moon or something like that, but it was plainly platonic. I saw this weird guy hiding in the bushes. He looked like an illegal immigrant and i was scared. I wanted to leave but Bo was being retarded and all and decided to befriend the weird guy in the bushes. And then the weird guy gave Bo bubblegum. But it was not any other bubblegum! It was human-eating bubble gum!

I mean. After consuming said bubble gum, you will suddenly become man-eating and will hunt down specific people to munch on. i told Bo not to eat it but he wouldn't listen and he ate it and i decided it was time to bail. I ran away but Bo got on a lorry with MAN IN BUSHES and started to chase after me! i remember running all the way from East Coast Park to Katong Shopping Centre and then I caught a Comfort Taxi and got the Uncle to drive me home.

When i reached home i ran to my neighbours house (i don't know why i didn't run home), and immediately borrowed their telephone to dial home to get my parents to run away so that Bo the Man-Eating Rocker wouldn't eat them. After much confusion i finally realised my mother was at my neighbour's house too and she was there to bake cookies (?!?!?) BUT my dad was still at home!!!! (oh no!)

I was so worried! I saw Bo and MAN IN BUSHES' lorry coming and they were going to drive into my carpark and suddenly, as if on instinct i ran to my neighbours door and put one palm on the white washed surface, and then i got the rest of the people in the house to do the same thing, and to my utter amazement, the lorry couldn't move! Bo and MIB were revving the engine but it was no use cause there was some strange spell and they couldn't move as long as there were hands on my neighbours' door!

And then i woke up.

Tell me. Is that warped, or is that incredibly warped?

I think i could even start a television programme on my unexplicably weird nightmares. It could be titled: Nightmares of This Century; Warped or Warped? (trying to spoof the midnight show Fact of Fiction which showed quite long ago, reanacting stories about the supernatural and then at the end of the show they will reveal whether the stories are Fact, or Fiction)

Try not to freak out?

(MORE NIGHTMARES TO COME SOON IN FUTURE ENTRIES! AWAIT ONE ABOUT COOKED LITTLE FROGS AND APE-MAN. MAYBE IT WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT EATING TIAN2 JI1 ZHOU1 (frog leg porridge. ew.))

Call me, will you? When it's time to say "goodbye".

2005-04-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

its funny
the way i cry
for you

its funny
they way i care

its funny
even
when we both hug
and cry
together

its funny
why i'm still
holding on

its funny
how i'm typing this
for someone
who will never see it.

Why do i bother. Please tell me why. Why you refuse to look at this. Even give it a try. i know it's nothing much. but i've put my heart and soul into this blog. yes it might be full of 'crap', like what you say. indeed. no heart to heart messages here. no life-and-death situations going on.

"Nothing that you would tell the world that you wouldn't tell me."

Dats what you say.

Would it kill you to just utilize the few muscle fibres in your fingers to click on my blog's URL? Oh for goodness sake it's even in your Favourites! Would it kill you just to take a look at this to make ME happy? Would it?

It's really not about how this page looks like. Really not about what i say.

Its really about you, wanting to know why i'm so into blogging. why i bother spending so much effort to do this page up.

it's really about YOU wanting to know more about ME.

but obviously you think you already know enough.

Or perhaps that's true. That you already know enough. And it's time for you to go away. For i'm a book that's been read too many times. Like the Yellow Pages at phone booths. All tattered and torn. With a font that's too torturous to read. Too troublesome.

Too heavy. For your liking.

Perhaps it's time to say goodbye.

perhaps.

Barcardi and vodka lime.

2005-03-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! it's 'booky' time again! Cause my dear brother has just been released from 'Neurotic Sanctuary' (NS) to come home for Good Friday and has decided to be Neurotic at home too and hog the computer to play CS.

Now, POP QUIZ! Is Good Friday the same as Easter? And what do rabbits and eggs have to do with Easter? Is it the day where we get to gobble little rabbits and chocolate eggs?

Oh! Please do enlighten me. For i have this old, cranky grey rabbit sitting in a rusty cage in the corner of my room, and SPCA's too far away!

hmm. What shall i lament on today? Hmmm. How about... my pet peeves? Since this is MY blog and MY ranting space I shall have the whole right to talk about ME, ME, ME!!!!!!!!

uh. yea.

As i was saying before narcissm took over, pet peeves. Everyone has got pet peeves. some i can understand, but some are just so irrational! Oh, but this is about ME remember? So i'm not gonna talk about other peepsy's problems.

AND NOW! LADIES AND GERMS & dat pervert sitting behind the computer reading some adolescent's blog for self-gratification. I NOW PRESENT THE TOP 4 PET PEEVES OF MUAH! (yes and dat means.. ME.)

Firstly. The Slang Dictionary(wtf?) from Besta CD-89 Electronic Dictionary, states that a Pet Peeve is defined as: A favourite complaint. eg; My mother's pet peeve is that we never straighten up our bedrooms. (oh... y is it that i'm not surprised?)

SO NOW LADIES & GERMS & old pervert. I WILL NOW PRESENT TO YOU MY TOP 4 PET PEEVES... BUT "NOT TODAY, IT IS NOT TODAY! TODAY... WE FIGHT!!!!" (LOTR junkies would know this.)

ok! ok! i shall stop digressing and proceed, finally, to the ROAYAL LIST OF PL'S PET PEEVES! (PPP).

At #4:

People talking to me when i'm watching TV. dats a BIG no- no. Shall i display how big? How about this- NO!NO! And especially when i'm watching Desperate Housewives. Like some people are trying to conventrate on the sexy garderner here?!?! HEllo?!?! *waves hands with bewildered look on face ala bimbo*.

#3:

Having a crazy plonk as a bus partner. You know how when we were little kids and when we go on excursions we always "choke" a bus partneR(as in "reserve" someone to sit with you in case prospective partner elopes with someone else and you are forced to sit alone, OR worst still, with MISS TAN! THE HORROR! That kinda "choke", not "choke" your partner, as in crush his/her windpipes la.)

But when we take public transport, we dun have such a luxury right? But dat doesn't explain why i always get the crazy plonks? Some twitch a lot as if THEY are uncomfortable with sitting next to me. ME! ALMIGHTY ME! Some just keep talking incessantly about the weather, how the bus is too crowded, about tiger oil... (isn't it tiger balm?) ALL TO THEMSELVES!

Just yesterday when i was taking a bus home, this really well-dressed old woman with really ticklish long grey hair sat next to me and started a conversation with none other than... *drum roll please!*... HERSELF!

I almost thought both of us could become best friends cause she's as misantrhopic as i am.
Misanthropic Old Lady: I thought holidays the bus would be empty. How come still so crowded???"

(Note that there were no people standing when she boarded the bus, and 36's usually damn packed around that area where she boarded. She even got a seat!)

Me: *smiles politely, tries to look away and pretend to fall asleep*.

(Hey! Gotta give me some credit here alright. I actually pretended to nod away.)

MOL: See that girl, huh? Still talking on the phone?! (With relevance to....??)

Me: *pretends to snore*

MOL: HUH!? How come got tiger oil smell? Bus got tiger oil?

Me: *Desperately trying to move away from her that i almost became spider-woman and stuck to the window*

(note toom that i was sitting on the inside and that means only one thing: THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM THE MOL!!! ARGH!!!

MOL: Mother. yadda yadda. *incoherent garble* Daughter.

Me(thinking): Say whah...t?

Finally! She got off at St Patricks. Mayb she teachers there. hah! After she alighted, i found myself staring at her back as she waddled off the bus. Part of me, the imaginative part, was wondering whether she would turn around slowly and wave to me, complete with eerie green light illuminating her in the background, and i would stare in horror as i realise, SHE DOESN'T WALK!! SHE FLOATS!!!

AHHHH!!! Dats almost as scary as Pinky who haunts the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Remember Pinky? If you don't, go search my archives!

#2:

Lizards. Especially small black ones, which hide in the spaghetti closet and leap out whenever i open the closet door.

When i tell people that i hate lizards, they often give me a "How could you...?!?!" look. And then they will proceed to educate me about how lizards help to rid pests like Mozzies.

Yea RIGHT.

Wait till you meet Blacky, The Friendly Spaghetti Closet Dweller. I tell you, your life will never be the same again. I suspect, that his main, and ONLY goal in life, is to scare the shit outta me whenever i feel like having spaghetti.

"Take that you stinky spaghetti eater!" He exclaims whenever i leap a mile away from the closet.

"That would teach you to stay away from my tall thin yellow friends from Italy! HAH!"

...

UPDATE! UPDATE! Apparently while i was writing this, i was yet to be informed that The Friendly Spaghetti Closet Dweller has MOVED!!! i repeat, HE HAS MOVED!!!! To where, i don't know. Just, please, i beg you, not the underwear closet!

And finally, #1:

Ooo... This pet peeve has to do with the one about crazy plonks as bus partners. That is-Crazy Plonks not only sitting next to me, but crazy plonks ANYWHERE in the bus! They are EVERYWHERE i tell you.

I recall, there was this bespectabled middle-aged man. He always went to the same bus-stop as me and he was never caught without headphones and... wait for this... a WALKMAN! Where do you find a walkman these days?

oh wait. i dun wanna know.

I swear, this guy. uh. Let's call him... Walk-man. I swear Walk-man has the same motto in life as my best friend Blacky. And that is to scare the shit outta me.

Walk-man always seems to take the same buses as me, but he never ever gets off before me and that also only means ONE THING! And that is i'll have to tolerate his crazy ways for the whole of my bus journey. DANG!

And you might ask: So in what way is he crazy?

*creepy music starts playing in background.*

Well... how about shouting every few seconds in gibberish and mumbling under his breath all the time? And he always seems to be scolding/cursing someone? The problem is, none of us passengers could ever see the "someone".

*creepy music gets louder*.

After being mentally tortured by Walk-man(there was once i so unfortunately had him stting behind me.) quite a few times, I grew smart. I devised a plan which would guarantee my safety, AND my sanity, and also decrease my contact with Darling Mr Walk-man.

Here's how i do it:

Everytime i reach the bus stop i'll keep my eyes open for Walk-man, but of course, only using the corner of my eyes. I wouldn't want Walk-man thinking that i'm admiring his dashing good looks eh.

So, when i see a bus approaching i will hold back and wait. If Walk-man flags the bus, i will not take it. If he doesn't approach, I will run up the bus and bribe the bus uncle with a peck on the cheek so he'll slam the door shut immediately in case Walk-man changes his mind.

Yes. yes. i made the last part up. No sexy bus uncles for me, no thank you. So, what happens when you HAVE to take the same bus as him? You ask.

Ez-peazy. I just wait for Walk-man to get on the bus first. AFter he chooses a seat most condusive for his ranting, i'll then search for the seat furthest away from him, and VOILA! The craziness is effectively reduced!

Now, now. Don't look down on Walk-man here... HE CHANGES SEATS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BUS RIDE!...and when that happens...There's....no....running...away....

*creepy music comes to a crescendo!*

And that ends Your truly's Top 4 PET PEEVES. Actually. i think they shouldn't be called Pet Peeves. More like:

YOUNG PEI LIN AND HER MANY ADVENTURES ON SBS, assisted with her trusty sidekick- BLACKY!

In the day we are students, at night we are 'sisters'. I'm Dolly, she's Sally. We play by our own rules, we dun care what other's think of us. We take E, Smack K, and also Fishermen's Friends. That day when we taking Fishermen's Friends, we 'kenna' raid by CNB. They say the Mandarin Ginger flavour too smelly. From that day onwards, Dolly and Sally only eat Tic Tacs.

EUPHORIA-NESS! YAYNESS! WOOPEEDONESS!

2005-03-23T06:03:00.000-08:00

ooo! ooooo! oooo!

Am STILL trying to post pics up. Here's another try. Now without not-so-trusty-HELLO!

argh!

*roar*

*screams*

*shouts*

I CONQUER ALL!!!! muahahahaha.

IN YOUR FACE YOU LOUSY PHOTO PUBLISHING THINGY!

And it's all thanks to KIX baby!

And oh. if by the way, you are wondering why the hell i did that to the BreadTalk box, it's because i've always felt that BreadTalk's Mandarin name should be MIAN4 BAO1 JIANG3 HUA4.

Cool right?!?! Though i dun tink it'll help BreadTalk get into the China market. oh. sod it. Who cares?! NOT ME!!!

CAUSE I GOT MY PICS UP I GOT MY PICS UP! YAY!!! EVERYBODY SCREAM YAY!!!!

SO SO SO!!!! there will be more pics to come. ok peepsies? muaxy MUAX muax!

Marriage is like a bed of Roses............ just without the petals.

2005-03-22T09:03:00.001-08:00

This is unprecendented. Or mayb not. But i haven done this in a long time. I'm writing out what i wanna blog in my little M1 notebook which i got free from ACJC open house. How time flies.

Well, this is because i wanna talk about something which hit me at the unlikely hour of 12.37 in the morning while i was lying in bed trying to fall asleep. Thus, i decided to take the notebook out and utilise my old trusty Pilot G2, before i wake up the next morning and forget all about what i wanted to blog about.

You see, lately, i had been hit by the 'Insecurity Bug' and am currently going through a phase where i'm feeling, in a stark contrast to reality, fat...and...uh...undesirable? For some reason or another. i bet its those damn Miss Singapore Universe Voting adverts. Driving me nuts with those scantily clad, skinny ass women. Must be that. Incidentally, i actually think our standards have improved. This time the girls are actually pretty.

So anyways, i was talking about how 'fat' i've been feeling and all and from last week i started to jog at least 2.4KM, 3 times a week. Or at least i try. So today, i must have been on steriods or something cos i ran a whole 3.2KM without stopping once.

I never cease to amaze myself.

So, i was thinking about the amazing feat i had completed today and something suddenly struck me.

I saw something. Like and epiphany of some sort.

Now, before i continue, you have to meet a friend of mine. Or if you would like it, more of and aquaintance. The kind you smile and wave gently when you see but never ever approach alone. There, let's call her Little Miss Muffet (for no particular reason, of course, just in case some people start trying to guess who she is.)

See, Little Miss Muffet, Or LMM in short, was a really plump girl the fist time i saw her, and she stayed that way for the next 2 years for as far as i know. And then, as fate would have it, she entered the same JC as me!

woopeedoo!

But this time, when i saw her(take note i only see her like once a year?), i was flabbergasted! She looked as though someone popped her, literally, like how when you pop a balloon it deflates to become a flat pice of rubber albeit with a hole where it was popped. In her case, she looked ravishing, like Miss-Lipo-look-i-did-it-without-a-single-sit-up.

I was dumbfounded.

Thoughts flooed my confused mind: When did this happened? Why wasn't i informed? How dare she have a smaller waist than i? (though dats not hard to achieve.)

I was mystified, peeved off, and at the same time, determined, with the will of and Auntie queing up at the Community Centre for free toilet paper, to find out: How was it done?

Then i caught a whiff. A mutual friend of mine. uh. let's call her Lttle Miss Tuffet. She explained to me LMM's mysterious work. Apparently LMM has been following a strict regime of only consuming a certain kind of food of which i choose not to reveal so you can never attain her secret and BE SLIMMER THAN ME ME ME!!!. muahaha. And she has also been jogging EVERYDAY. For how long and what distance, i was never told.

So, i was impressed by her discipline, but shock and disgust soon took over as i heard stories of her morphing into a super-duper-b*itch. Something along the lines of vie...attention...ooo...boys...mmm...boys...over...friendship...

OH GO FIGURE!

It almost seemed to me as though LMM was making up for lost time.

But as i am at this point of my story telling, i would like to clarify one thing. All the bad stuff about LMM here, is only hearsay, especially from LMT so whether anot all of the above is totally true, i plain don't know. And if any of you would like to kill me for bad-mouthing LMM, DON'T. Kill LMT instead.

"I know nothing! I swear!"

Now moving on, as how Channel 8 drama serial would have it, LMM & LMT, previously the best of friends, had a falling out over how LMM had been behaving, choosing boys over friendship yadda yadda i dun care. Main thing is, why has LMM changed? Why has she morphed into such a horrible creature?

Could it have anything to do with the fact that she's no longer a fully inflated balloon? And has now, after shedding the flab, transformed into a full fledge femme fatale, complete with tight leather pants and whip, batteries not included?

Could it be? I will never know cause the facts were placed in front of me without me having any knowledge about the whole incidednt first hand.

Stranger, as things developed, i seemed to have the fix mindset that LMM became like this due to her a successful Lipo and i started disliking her for her shallowness & change in character overnight. I would bet, if she still had that flab, would she still become the attention seeking, boy-vying monster she has become, AFTER entering JC? Is it the matter of JC--->which suddenly filled with her life with boys (like a candy store!), or the fact that she has lost her flab?

Which one, you judge for yourself. To me, its's blatently obvious. But of course, dun let me plague your judgement... you know it you know it it's because of the flab it's because of the flab say it say it you know it you know it it's because of the flab it's because of the flat say it say it you know it you know it...

And then came the thought which inspired me to write this entry. That day, when i was having a nice chat with LMT, (note that LMT is the one who has been feeding me bad stuff about LMM, and that she totally despises her for what she is now) she suddenly mentioned about how she and another friend went jogging around the Padang the other day, and i was like;

ME: "Siao ah! Jog around the Padang?!?!? You must be crazy! For what?!"

LMT: "Trying to slim down loh... Look! *Squeezes bulge on upper thigh* So FAT!"

Strange isn't it, how things play out in the end. How one can be peeved off by another and yet be inspired by the latter's success story. It really makes me wonder. IF one day LMT does succeed in slimming down, would she, unwittingly, sub-consiously, morph into another LMM?

Somehow, this gut feeling in me tells mes dat the answer is almost, definitely, a YES.

Frankly, i'm not really clear about my motive in sharing the above episode with you. Quite honestly, i'm not siding anyone and dun see the need to. I guess i just wrote about this to show how people can change, regardless of whether it's for the good, after their physical appearances have improved.

I always thought Extreme Makeover improved many people's lifes by making them look so much better. But, as i watched the mini soap opera revolving LMM unfold, i start to think twice...

Do their lifes really improve after the show? OR, have they all turned into sad little sods, now thinking they deserve better?
*
*
*
*
*
*
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Well. Just some food for thought, though, please do take it with a pinch o' salt.

:)

cuban cigars and uncut diamonds.

2005-03-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

its almost painful watching you squirm in front of your monitor when i type something like "GOSH. you're freakin irritating you know? i just wanna pull the hair out of your scalp and watch you scream in exhilaration. You like it dun you, huh, you irritating lil b*itch?". ALMOST.

gosh. i never knew i could be so vulgar. i never knew i had it in me to be capable of such words. anyway. i've blogged about this before but when i was in the shower, which is where i get most of my blogging inspiration, i suddently thought of blogging about 'painful scenarios', and oh, please remind me to blog about my all-time favourite celebrity, SLY and the final showdown of Singapore Idol (strange how it's not called Singaporean Idol but dat sounds strangely, yet appropriately, Singlish.).

anyway, we were talking about 'painful scenarios' right? well, i need to explain a bit here. painful in the sense that the atmosphere is so queer and so weird and so uncomfortable that it's almost painful, a bit like what i just mentioned in the first paragraph. i can jus imagine how you might squirm uncomfortably in your seat reading what i, the almighty blogger had typed, wondering, whether, by any chance, i could be talking about you. of course, you will never ever find out unless you pay me a million bucks and that just makes it more interesting, and of course, even more painful.

doesn't it hurt to not know whether i'm talking about you? dun you feel strangely frustrated over how i'm toying with your feelings just be using the muscles at the tip of my fingers and the innocent keys on the keyboard? dun you feel over-sensitive to even have a guilty conscience even though you dun think you have done anything wrong?

it's weird and its a sucky feeling, i know. but does a blogger care? no. he or she doesn't. he or she bathes in the joy of that sick feeling you have at the bottom of your gut. he or she toys with the fact that not one person is perfect and that at some point in life you could have made a mistake, whether deliberately or not, which caused said blogger to blog about you in their little b*itchy website. and said blogger has the entire right to do so and there's nothing in this whole wide world you can do about it. nothing. not one thing.

no one can go away saying "He/she's definitely not talking about me. I haven done anything i'm particularly unproud of to he/she."

i am almost sure no one can say so much without glancing at the date where the entry was posted and playing back events which happened around then and thinking deep inside: hmm. what happened dat day. did i say anything which i wasnt supposed to say. was i not sensitive enough? did i do anything wrong?

And the worst thing is, you can never ever be so self-assured and conscience free to not doubt at all, a 100%, dat said blogger was never ever referring to you. thus that concludes painful scenario number 1.

now, painful scenario number 2. i'm sure it has happened to every single person and i'm sure it's unavoidable. the worse thing is, its classified under the 'Unmentionables'. it is the kind of thing which carn be discussed even among the closests of friends at that particular moment in time which it happens, because it's just too weird and too embarrassing to talk about. well at least, i'll like to think so. oh. just concur with me if not i'll have nothing to blog about. yes now be good and listen.

as i was saying, painful scenario number 2. i'm sure you are itching to know what i'm about to say next and this- wanting to know something so badly, yet secret bearer procrastinates, will conveniently be filed under painful scenario number 3 in my little SERIES OF PAINFUL SCENARIOS. yes as you can see i'm still not over my Lemony Snicket wannabe phase. okay okay! i'll get on with painful scenario number 2. bet you're on the edge of your seat now. you better be.

now painful scenario #2 takes a lot of effort to ignore and wave away. basically because it's so in-your-face.

now picture this. you and your frens, and i specifically point out that this group of frens includes both guys and gals, are just hanging around town, trying to look the best you can cos you're in town and you wanna look good la. den as you and your frens are just chatting and wondering where to go next, a really good looking girl walks pass and the guys all turn around and gawk and totally ignore what the unfortunate girls (that includes you) in their little group were saying just a moment ago before you were so unfortunately bestowed with Painful Scenario #2. And they just continue staring, and staring, and staring without bothering the least bit about what you are feeling. And get this. the worst part has yet to come. the worst part is when the really good looking girl knows what kinda effect she would achieve by sashaying her arse pass your little group and she looks at you when she walks pass, knowingly, with the kinda i'm-better-than-you smirk that would cause a sunflower to wilt and decompose on the spot in the record time of 5 seconds.

And you are completely helpless! you carn go up to her and tear that smirk off her face. you carn make your male counterparts wear satellite dishes around their heads (the kind where dogs are made to wear when they have a skin infection, to prevent them from biting the infected area), and you know, deep inside, you admit defeat. you concede. cos that girl is honestly, and truthfully, regardless of how she's such a total whore, downright pretty.

and once again. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DAMN WELL DO!

and guys, i'm speaking to the male species here. Before you can snigger, i'm sure it has happened to you too. i'm sure you were trying to impress some girl and then this really cute group of guys walked pass and there was nothing you could do but watch her gawk and help her wipe up her drool before she started looking too much like a dog with rabies. you know i know. no need to act like you're no victim. ;)

and that thus concludes Painful Scenario #2. as i go along with my blogging, i will introduce more Painful Scenarios to be added and filed away into my Series of Painful Scenarios.

The pain is good for you. =)

now now. away from all that hurt and embarrassment. lets talk about something which took place really long ago. the showdown between a warner brother's patented cat and uh. taufik. uh yea.

i'm talking about the FINAL SHOWDOWN. whatever it's called. held at the indoor stadium. i happened to have a fren who so kindly bestowed upon me a VIP ticket to watch the actual SHOWDOWN at the indoor stadium. if you know me well enough, you should know that i'm a taufik supporter. or more accurately, a sly-non-supporter. i dun believe in slamming. what's the point. he's afterall, just a poor little kitty in need of some lovin'.

so anyway, the show was great and all and i got my wish. taufik won. yay! it was bliss. but as i stepped out of the indoor stadium i was greeted by a sight that still gives me nightmares these days. ok fine. i'm exaggerating. but what i saw was indeed ghastly.

i've often said that most of sly's fans dun know what music and taste is and boy i never thought i could be more accurate. when i exited the indoor stadium my frens and i were just standing around planning of what to do next. as i recall, i was planning to go to a chalet after that. but that's not the point. the point is, we were just standing there watching the crowd disperse, and this bunch of pink-adorned sly fans (you know sly fans have to wear pink right. some sacred sly fan club thingy. i think.) were still holding the sly posters after i had long dumped my taufik one due to its ugly green colour. funny how i'm always associated with green. but. that is not the point.

the point is. they were holding their sly posters and some were even grabbing sylvester the cat the plush toy by its neck and due to obvious reasons, were crying so badly! they cried so much you could see their eyes were going swollen. ok. i mean. dats normal right. after you have invested so much in buying your pink t shirt pink pants pink slippers pink bag pink hair accessories and dun you dare forget mr sylvester the cat oh-y-isnt-he-pink(warner bros mysteriously found their sales in singapore increased rapidly during that peroid of time), you would want you dear sly the non-singer to win. right? but these girls took it further. never had i in my 16 years seen a rally taking place in this island country, and yet one took place just right after SINGAPORE IDOL: THE FINAL SHOWDOWN, outside the Singapore Indoor Stadium. And damn right it was a showdown. Between this over zealous fan and uh. no one in particular.

you see. this particular sly fan, she was quite short, wearing a pink polo, typically ah lian-ish though i'll hate to generalise, but this is to give you a better picture, with a short ponytail. kinda stout and with a look on her face which tells you you wouldnt wanna meddle with her. to top this off, she came complete with a voice somewhat similar to Pavarroti. she was crying a river and in between sobs you could hear loud and clear and with no restrain:"SLY IS THE REAL IDOL!!! SLY IS THE REAL SINGAPORE IDOL!!!" Imagine the attention she got. Just imagine.

Also, this is said complete with a look of hate directed to anyone not wearing a tinge of pink. and she went on ranting for a while until the rest of the pinkies came and took her away for some therapy. gosh. you cannot imagine how funny and absurd it was.

That night, at the chalet, when it was my turn to tell a horror story, i was tempted to share with my friends, the story about the girl in pink, who haunts the indoor staduim, whose soul would not rest, even after... THE FINAL SHOWDOWN.

i don't know y we turned out like this.

2005-03-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

gosh. there's something wrong with blogger. ok. and somehow i find myself being very relieved when i found out that there was some error. is my love for blogging dying? isit? it better not. i count on this to make myself a living one day. haha. ONE DAY.

anyways, today was sort of the last day in school and i just realised one damn thing. i will NEVER EVER EVER in my lifetime get to wear the SA uniform! and i realised i carn even say 'i will NEVER EVER EVER in my lifetime get to wear the SA uniform again." ARGH! i carn even say again. cos i've never worn it before. sad. so sad.

ok now. peeps. look to the right. see the links? go click on the XiaXue link. and go read! she's so funny i could just start laffing in front of the comp and my mum would come in and go

"XIAO KIN NA! BO SEE ZHOU AH? KUA KORN-PUI-TER CHIO GA A NI!"

haha. which means:

"YOU CRAZY KID! NOTHING BETTER TO DO AH? LOOK AT THE COMPUTER AND LAUGH UNTIL LIKE DAT!"

i really love Hokkien. i'm so proud to be one. i'm so proud to have the privelige of cursing at people cos they think Hokkien is all about cursing and im cursing them because i'm a hokkien therefore i'm doing it unwittingly and its in my genes and i'll never get into trouble! yay!

gosh. i have a bad feeling. this is gonna be a very random entry. bits and pieces here and there of nothing-ness.

WE went to Ikea todae! it was hilarious. WE ate meatballs and potatoes and little baby had spagetthi and i realised i'm so used to calling her baby and treating her like a baby dat i actually stupidly asked her whether the spag was from the kid's menu when you could fit your head snugly into the bowl. it was relatively big.

*Sigh* stupidity spreads like the plague nowadays.

WE were so STUPID. i tell you. First we were so pissed that people were wasting food and not finishing their potatoes when benny and baby so stupidly bought 5 pieces of potato for 2 bucks. HAHAHAHA. Now lets all take a moment, point in their direction, muster all the laughter we have and go....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

now. tell me. tell me honestly. look me straight in the face and tell me dat wasn't fun. y would anyone in the right mind buy 5 pieces of less than a quarter of a potato for 2 bucks?!??! and they paid 30 cents for sauce. hahah. crazy poots.

and then we schemed. to one day bring plastic bags and go table by table asking the people whether they still want their potatoes.

THE POTATO HUNTERS!

look out for us the next time you drop by IKEA's ever wonderful cafe. or wadever it's called.

Next. we went to IKEA. and i've said this and i will say it again. the whole place looks so damn cozy i just wanna snuggle up under the covers and fall aslp there and then they'll close at night and everyone will leave and i will sneak to the cafe and steal some potatoes.

yayness.

and then crazy baby went around touching EVERYTHING. i tell you. EVERYTHING! she had to sit on every rocking chair and touch every stuff toy and make a lot of noise and go around saying how everything can actually be home-made. gosh. i'm surprised we din get funny looks from the more normal people. there was actually this moment when she was lying on the bed and i contemplated running away from THE HORROR and leaving THE HORROR there.

gag.

and i bot roses for the both of them! yay! i have this unexplicable joy giving stuff to people. esp flowers! i love buying flowers and giving them to my girl-friends cos i know no matter how weird or how un-girly they are, no girl can ever say 'no thanks.' to a stalk of wadever dat resembles a flower. even if it's fake! i guess it's the i'm-holding-a-flower-therefore-i'm-loved feeling dat really turns girls on.

uh. dat sounds sick la. turns girls on. ooo. yummy.

uh. dis is such a horrible entry too. i hate this. i hate not having an inspiration to write. i hate rambling. i hate rambling about what went on todae and everyday and every other day. wad difference would dat make. i hate this. hate hate hate.

i hate it when people call me a 'Loser', regardless of whether it's true anot or whether they're joking. it dun matter. it still hurts. cos deep inside i know dats what i truly am.

i hate it when i have something to say but it gets stuck in the back of my throat cos i somehow dun have the balls to say it. (Balls as in you-know-what-it-is-its-courage. Not testicles. Wouldnt it be much easier if i had said courage? bah.)

i hate it when i wanna slap you in the face for how you have been but i carn cos i'm too weak (not physically but mentally.) .

i hate to forgive but i always do.

i hate to remember the hurt but i always do.

i hate to cry in the middle of the night with my blanket over my head and i carn breathe and i just feel like dying.

i hate to feel suicidal.

i hate to try to tell someone how i feel, someone i really love, only to have that someone forget what took me so much to say.

i hate to see people being depressed.

i hate to console depressed people cos i noe i'm not any better.

i hate being so selfish.

i hate being called 'selfish' though i myself am not clear which side of the line i belong to.

i hate having to make pointless conversations with people hu would just lay back and not help to get the conversation going. i'm just being nice by talking to you. on a good day i wouldn't meet people like you.

i hate to have fun onli to think that people are unhappy because i'm having fun.

i hate to have to wonder y you are looking at me this way.

i hate to guess what you are thinking.

i hate to hide. and hide. from people whom are not worthing wasting your time to hide from.

i hate double-meanings. just say something straight in my face if you want to. too many u-turns contribute to fatal accidents.

i hate to patronise you. and you. and you you you.

i hate it when you tink that i have everything and that i shouldnt ask for anything more because i have everything. but you know what. you know nothing.

i hate it when some people are so mean but are so liked.

i hate it when i carn figure out what's wrong with me.

i hate it when i tink that something's wrong with me.

i hate to write untrue stuff for the sake of writing.

i hate to write untrue stuff for the sake of how this page is gonna look like.

i hate it when i want something but i never can get it out of my mouth what i really want.

i hate it when i go out in a group and i'm left behind.

i hate it when i'm alone.

i hate it where there are too many people around.

i hate it when i see you whisper and i dun noe what you are talking about.

i hate to whisper and not let you know what i'm talking about.

i hate to not be heard.

i hate to not helping myself be heard.

i hate this self-torture.

i hate it when people talk to me when i'm blogging.

i hate to have a guilty conscience when i haven done anything wrong.

i hate myself. and i hate myself for feeling dat way.

i hate to hate.

poke of joy. want one?

2005-03-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

If you had arrived at this URL, this particular blog, whether by accident or by recommendation, i suggest you immediately click the X at the top right hand corner of your window, for this is not what you are expecting.

If you are searching for a blog filled with laughter, joy, or even mundane recordings of a cheery blogger's life, you are at the wrong place, and i strongly advice that you step away from your computer and read a book about nice little fairies in fairy land instead. For in this web page, what you will find, will be far, far away from stories about nice little fairies. In fact, in this blog, what you will find, will be nothing but a series of unfortunate events which happened, and will happen to a sad little girl named Pei Lin.
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GAG! And that ends my attempt to become the next Lemony Snickets. hahaha. dat was fun wasnt it.

i am now alone at home, instead of going to school. Technically, its not my fault that i'm not at school. See yesterday morning, afternoon, and night, i had been trying to log in with my SingPass and for some blardy reason, it just wouldnt work. So i decided to put the Old Wives' Tale to test. It's been said that if you log in in the middle of the night, preferably after the clock strikes twelve, with your singpass in one hand, and a mirror in the other, you will be able to see how your History teacher will look like in the other gender. i.e if he's a guy you will see how he would look like as a girl and vice versa. And boy i tell you, dere wasn't much difference...

haha.

stop crapping you crazy poot. yes. ok. as i was saying. It's been said that if you log in in the middle of the night/morning, there would be less traffic flow and thus of course everything would load faster and you can make the decision of your life time on the internet faster. so, being the old supersticious me, i decided to do just that. so i logged in in the morning, as in 3AM. and the blardy thing still didn't work. it appears that i lack some java shit. damn those government officials, and the javanese. argh. (jus kidding abt the javanese part. its just for dramatic effect.)

anyways. i went to internet options from tools. right there at the top. yea. there. and then i clicked privacy or something, and then i went back to look at the Need Help With Your Login? and it said i needed to have some cookie. and i was like WHAT COOKIE?!?!?! argh. what isit with these internet terms. why cookie? why not biscuit? or Oreo? someone enlighten me please? and then i had to call a fren.. at 3 BLARDY AM and get him to log in and help me make my 12 choices. how can i trust him? haha. and then, i had to pay 7 freakin' bucks with a credit card. hu pays 7 FREAKIN' bucks with a FREAKIN' credit card?!??! argh. so then i had to give my fren my mum's credit card number and on one side my mum was asking;"eh can he be trusted anot?" and on the other side, cos i was using a head fone my fren was like going "tell her i cannot be trusted." but i already gave him the number. ARGHH!!! this is so psychotic.

stop rambling. stop. it.

*breathes* (puts on a signature smile somewhat simlar to Bree in Desperate Housewives. if you dunno hu she is you should stuff your head down the toilet bowl and flush it ten times. yes. you may go now.)

Apparently, my choices are as follows, that is if my dear darling friend did not saboh me and put RJ as my first choice or something similarly clever.

Temasek Poly, Marketing
Ngee Ann Poly, Business Studies
Victoria JC
St Andrew's JC
Anglo-Chinese JC
National JC
and beyond that i dun really care.

i blardy didn't qualify for blardy Mass Com in blardy TP cos i got a blardy three for english for the blardy O levels. damn those blardy English. hmm... ever seen so many blardys in a sentence?

*sigh* Thus, here comes the part where i hate the most. i dun wanna leave SA!!!! i'm gonna miss you guys, girls, and the little cockroach fren i made in the cafe. muacks! to all of you! including little cockry. Your segmented brown body and your six well-toned limbs are just so sexy i dun even mind the prickly hair you have on them. i swear u'll always have a special place in my heart. To my special friends that i have made in these less than first 3 months of 2005, you peeps have brought me so much laughter and joy! i'll remember all those times we sat at the cafe, eating and crapping, eating, and eating some more, and... uh. eating. yea.

Serene, before you leave SA, that is if you are leaving, you better try the food from other stores lah, before the Western Store Auntie falls in love with you and then you just leave her like that for Hwa Chong. Her marcaroni will never be the same again after you break her heart. Must remember the Valentine's Day lolly she gave to you. SHE NEVER GIB ME OKAY?!?!? *grunts*

should i do shout outs? argh. too lazy to do it now. need to recover from my episode last night with the JAE. i will do it one day. yes i will. =)

And thus ends the Series of Unfortunate Events which happened to our protagonist- the little girl Pei Lin, subtitled- Of SingPasses, the Javanese, and Internet Cookies. YOU WERE WARNED.

To Order: look for the crazy girl in a pinafore the shade of dustbin green in SAJC's cafe, uh, eating.

i hope i dun get sued.

tickle my sides and watch how they quiver...

2005-02-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

transferred blog entry. from dieded blog. (dats about you. yep) well and the other one. um. its not really a full entry but the last paragraph i think. go figure! i'll give you a prize if you manage to. but its really mean! dun read it! and dun worry. the rest of the entries, i'm b*tching about other biatches. haha. ho ho ho!
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todae's get-your-result-and-never-ever-go-back-to-your-alma-mater-again-day. well at least for me. it feels weird going back. i didn't even bother exploring it for new facilities. all i know is that. well, they changed the gate timing sign. it turned from yellow to green.

y. do they not think the school's not green enough? crazee plonks. they are.

anyways. it's really weird trying to console your friends when actually inside you're jumping with joy and you just wanna shout in their faces 'i dun care! I DUN CARE! I GOT ***** POINTS! yea you heard dat, i got ***** points. i'm like how fuggin' smart?!'.

of course i didn't do dat. but still. u get the picture? you know everytime we get results we have the same groups of people. it goes as follows:

The I-will-just-smile-politely-and-hope-you-will-ask-me-how-much-i-got-cause-i-did-really-well-but-i'm-not-saying-anything-cos-i-will-bust-my-conceitful-nature kind: this group of people would smile really widely at you, like packs of hungry wolves, for no particular reason after they get their results. Hoping, just hoping, deep inside their happy guts, that you will sprint over and ask them how they did. This kind are usually the most malicious, cause sometimes they will ask you how much u got just so that you will return the question. These sort of people should be locked up and spanked.

The Man-made Fountains: Now this is a wide group of people. They include the Over-Achievers and the Slackers. How strange it is that they might even meet! You see, the Over-Achievers usually cry because they just carn seem to get into the g*d-damn Hua Chong la! what the hell. Y oh Y, now i'll never know how shitty brown looks on me *sulks* And then there's the Slackers groups, which for some reason, think that they deserve something better for not studying. hmmm... ever heard of the saying "you reap what you sow?" This group is the hardest to pacify, cos somehow they always think they deserve better. When caregiver consoles, latter somehow has the urge to sock said Slackers in their guts because they are such specks of irritance. Argh.

The Satisfied: Now this group is one big happy family, no? They work hard, they study hard, they play hard, and they take things easy! I'm glad to say many of my friends belong to this category. They dun cry over spilled milk and they take what the blardy Briton markers throw at them (which is incidentally, good stuff...). Everyone awaiting results should learn from this group and stop whining about how they could have done better if only they could figure out how to open their textbooks to study. But then again, if everyone's a "satisfied", where would all the fun and drama go?

now, everyone's been asking me where i wanna go and am i staying in SA. i honestly do not know. the chances of me choosing Poly is definitely higher than that of going to a JC. i wanna do hospitality man...

i wanna be a tour guide. i wanna hold the damn red flag and wave it and watch the tourists go mad trying to follow it and sight-see at the same time. imagine the amount of power one has in his/her hands with the blardy red flag. just imagine.

i wanna be a hotel manager too. i wanna scream at the bell boys and make them fetch the customer's bags. i'll put stones in the bags and hang dumb bells at the bottom of the luggages and snigger in one corner as i watch the poor bean-pole boy attempt to drag it to room 509. incidentally i will bribe a kid into pressing all the buttons in the lift so he will have no choice but to stop at every floor and be accused of doing the above act by unruly customers. ooo. and he will sweat and sweat and sweat in the less than ventilated lift. And sweat, ooo hot sweat, just looks good on a man. yummy.......not.

i wanna be a sentosa guide too! i wanna lead dumb tourists in flower-print hawaii shirts and khaki shorts, wearing socks with slippers, to Fort Siloso's underground tunnel and leave them there. dun worry, i will collect them soon after i have my lunch, dinner, supper, and a nice walk on the Siloso Beach. They'll be fine. Just dun mind the creepy wax figurines.

doesn't that sound ultra fun? like super duper?

ohohoh! you know what. i met dickson aka the ultra dick head from my pri school class who sat in front of me who couldnt stop talking who was a genius in maths and science but everyone hated him?

i swear people do change. he still looks the same. a bit... hmm. how about VERY dumbstruck when i said hi. sheesh. what can i expect from a TCHS boy. anyways. he sounded much more mature and less dickhead-ish. Puberty showcases its miraculous powers again! i've always wondered. why do girls go out with TCHS boys? do tell me.

is it their irrestible lack of articulation?
OR
their inability to wax their hairy legs?
OR
perhaps their sexy brown shorts?
OR
mayb, just mayb, it's the sexy revolutionary tank top (no sleeves, no sleeves i tell you!) which somehow resembles a traffic light, and which incidentally show's off their muscular popeye like biceps, triceps, and shitceps?

oh oh. tell me baby girl cause i need to know.

it is a must for a TCHS boy to go to HCJC. isnt' it? so quick! tell me y? Y do some girls find TCHS boys so irresistable. oh please do tell me quick! cause why?

cause i'm gonna answer the million dollar question. i'm contemplating HCJ for the hot sexy TCHS boys. and i need to know, oh i need to know:

How would i look in SHITTY BROWN?

For the record, i am NOT considering HCJ. Am too dumb for it. And even if i could, i wouldn't. Those TCHS boys. ooo... them sexy creatures = distract me = retain = failure in life(or so percepted by the great mighty MOE). Therefore, conclusion. SHITTY BROWN is not my colour.

Guz fa Bar.

2005-02-26T07:31:00.000-08:00

it's purple time again... wee! seems like i have to iron out a lot of things with many people. perhaps it's me, really, who causes all the problem. i dunno. it has come to the point where my brain is just too tired to think. to think hu's fault isit anyway? to my fellow planet of the apes resident:

honestly, if u wan me to point out the flaws that you have? i feel as though im not qualified enough to do it. i have my own flaws too. who am i to point yours out? but i could try and hope that i would not sound too much like a biatch. try. i say. it's just... i feel that sometimes you are sooo guarded. you know? like you build this fortress around you and you dun let anyone penetrate it. even though you might act fine in front of everyone, your blog says it all. sacarsm's the major ingredient. sometimes i jus wonder. can she just relax? can she like stop thinking so much about other people's motives? can she just say what she really means? cos it has come to the point that i no longer trust what comes out of your mouth. not in the sense that you're lying.... more like. you say one thing, but it becomes almost certain to me that your heart's thinking something else. no?

the really strange thing is.... i never noticed this side of you before the episode happened. really. it was as though there was a screen between us. a good one. a screen which blocked out whatever i didn't want to see or experience. tis' probably fault on my part. for i have became an oversensitive ninny after 'what happened'. it's hard not to be... y'know?

i'm always willing to try and i've never really hated anyone before. it's just not in me. ure still my friend. indefinitely. unless you take away with all my money. dats a different story. noe wad? it scares more shit outta me when i dun have an inkling what you are thinking about. basically cos ure more capable of sacarsm and words of poison than i am. you have to know. what ever that i have written on tis blog that's been targeted at you, i forget about it the moment i click Publish Post. the hurt's still there, but not hate. as we are talking about this matter i guess you would like to know which posts are directed at you. but do u really wanna noe...? just in case you do.

no wait. nah. i guess you could always guess if you wanted to. it's too hurtful to point them out. i dun really mean it. now. but right when i wrote it. i did.

ok... you wanna know what you have done to piss me off? there was this blog entry of yours talking about prom night? and the last part was something about being overprotective. if that was about me. den yes. i was/am pissed about that. that's like total assumption on your part. if it is indeed about me, that is. which i have really no inkling about. i remember my primary school math teacher telling us a joke/non-joke about the word 'assume'. split it up and it appears to have become 'ass-u-me'. lets try not to make and ass of you and me. i guess we've both done that a lot for the past months... but then again. it's not that easy saying what you really wanna say.isit?

and no. it's not a chore for me to talk to you. you know what's a chore? it is to try to pretend that you're not there and to ignore you. it's suffocating. literally. i feel as though my windpipes are contracting. it's horrible. i wonder whether you feel it too.

few people annoy me. and ure definitely not one of them. minus the sacarsm dat is.

i guess dats it. what else can there be said online? it's us whom we each need to speak to. not type furiously on the keyboard. monday, we'll get our results and the thing is i might go to a poly, so i guess if things dun work out, at least we'll possibly never see each other again. woo pee dooo! haha.. nah. am kidding. it'll be great to be crazy monkeys fleeing from the zoo again.

remember your 'date with the orang utan' sticker? ;)

if you could onli see.

2005-02-21T04:49:00.000-08:00

sigh

i feel a bit lazy to blog. y is that so? hmmm mayb because something suddenly struck me and i decided to go jogging after playing about 45 mins of basketball. i must be mad. which dumb architect places the track in front of the cafe? utter embarrassment lahz. and shena and steph were actually cheering for me! yay!

come on everybody now lets say it together! ready! ok! (ata is really good at saying that with a total bimbotic cheerleader look on her face. what can i say, she's jus a natural =P)

blog hopping rocks. my socks. but everyone sounds kinda depressed. y oh y? woe is them?

today, i shall blog about how pretty girls should all get stoned and should get rounded up and locked up in caves with no mirrors. thus they cannot see themselves in the mirror and will lose touch of how beautiful they are and will stop being snobbish and look at other girls like they are sub-humans.

phew!

you see, there's this girl in SA hu's like really pretty and everyone wans a piece of her and really i dun see why anyone should pretend they are not jealous. she's really pretty! really! but y oh y? y are pretty girls all such big biatches? y carn they be nice? oh...lemme think. do i know any pretty girls hu actually have no airs around them?

hmmm... wait. am still tinking.
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*
*
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oh. you're still waiting ah? sorry... fell aslp there. what was i saying?

yes. exactly my point. y carn they be nice? y do they always let their good looks get to their head. you know what? the whole world, the not-really-pretty people should just ostracise these i-think-i-look-really-good-therefore-i-can-treat-you-like-shit girls AND guys and STOP. BLARDY HELL. STOP TELLING THEM THAT THEY ARE GOOD-FUCKIN-LOOKING LAHZ!

gosh.

and then, for some weird reason, these biatches and bastards always manage to have many great friends and aqquaintances (how to spell?) hu just all seem to love them! y oh y? i seem to be asking that question very often.

u noe sometimes u get so pissed with these air heads you jus wanna go there and rip their heads off.

utter pleasure!

argh! that topic is jus so pissifying that i jus do not want to talk about it anymore. let's move on to something more. shall we...

last friday we had chapel. if i had not listened wrongly i think the topic was 'love thy neighbour as you love oneself, and love your enemy more.' and so the chapelin was talking about how we should learn how to forgive and forget and then suddenly, an article about Britain's useless royal family came up! it was about dear lil Prince Harry...

the article lamented on how Harry wore a Nazi uniform during the Auchwitz Liberation Anniversary celebration, and how it was very insensitive and inappropriate and how it totally outraged the British public. a member of the public even wrote a letter to Harry saying something like: "You are twenty but you behave like you are no older than a ten year old child. what you did caused much embarrassment and insult...blahblahblah. yakkity yakkity yak."

this is wat Harry replied: "I agree it was a bad choice of costume and i apologise if i had caused any embarrassment and hurt to anyone." On the overall i guess it was pretty much rehearsed and was probably composed by his personal assistant but the point is, the chapelin started lecturing on how Harry, should be old enough to admit his own mistakes and the if in his reply to the apology shouldnt have been there cos he had indeed been insensitive. he continued to add on that we should all admit our own mistakes and that is the onli way we can grow. AND THEN... he went on to talk about genocides.

hmm... dun you tink he's abit out of point from "love thy neighbour as you love yourself, and love your enemy more."? isn't he abit off from forgive and forget? do correct me if i had misunderstood. one moment the guy's talking about loving your enemy and forgetting what they have done to you, and BAM! the next moment he's reprimanding Harry for wearing a Nazi uniform after more than 50 years after the blardy war!

so tell me. what on earth is he saying?

i agree. it was extremely dumb of Harry to choose that for the Auchwitz Liberation Anniversary, but hu can blame him? he DID grow up in the royal family. i agree too, dat it was extremely insensitive to the feelings of those hu had been through the war and those hu had lost loved ones to the war, and to the Nazis. the Nazis brought pain, but do we really want to continue that with hate and unforgiveness?

and mr chapelin went on and puzzled me even more by talking about genocides and how they will keep happening if we dun do anything about them. and then i thought, and i pondered. if we had not forgive the Germans then, and regarded ALL of them as Nazis, together with the pain and suffering and the mental disorders that wars bring along, wouldn't that spark one hell of a genocide too?

Kill the Germans
burn them at the stakes
cos our hearts are made of iron
and we choose to ignore
this thing called forgiveness.

i noe, forgiving, is easier said than done, but perhaps, just mayb, we could all try, and not teach 17 year olds to remember hate, to remember what evil has done to people, and to remember not to forgive, lest history does them in, the next time.

please enlighten me if you must. if you feel dat what ever i have said is a whole load of bullshit.
but then again, it's my whole load of bullshit, so whether i choose to understand what you say, is my perogative.

she's nice. i'm not.
i'm. sorry.
she's nice.
*am not talking about the person i'm talking about in purple.

purple is the colour i use for special msgs. and here's one. to you. my dear fren: i dunno whether you are referring to me. and of course i would like to know. i dun hate you. definitely not. hate's not exactly in my dictionary. but i feel happy when i get to talk and laugh with you, but when you open your mouth and words with thorns sprout out, i tend to shun. hu wouldn't? you were a great fren. at least once. i dunno whether it will ever be the same again. too many misunderstandings between us too many words unspoken, and perhaps too many things said on my part. certain things you have done have really peeved me off and sometimes i find it hard to resist slapping you and trying to make you understand. but i grew tired of that and your constant sacarsm. mayb dats just your defence mechanism. i dunno. bottom line is. i'm taking a risk by typing this. for all i know you might be talking about someone else and i would look like a total clown if you see this, but i'm still gonna do this. cos sometimes when we are in the same room. it suffocates me. i wan to breathe. life's too short for enemies. please do tell me if you were referring to me in your blog and just give me a sign, a reply, anything. to let me know whether we are on the same track here. this is for you. my once fellow baboon/orang utan/or whatever shit we were the last time we were happy together...

if i had another heart..

2005-02-16T04:12:00.001-08:00

reading her blog makes me cry. i have what she has. but. it's just not the same.

at least on my part.

i do love you

i swear.

yet another misanthropic one.

2005-02-16T03:26:00.000-08:00

you know... there was once i found those badges with self-proclaiming messages, um like for example; i'm a drama queen. so sue me.', quite cool? but for goodness sake. isnt tat a secondary school thing? y do i still see peopl in school, in a jc, putting those batches EVERYWHERE? must be me. i must be outta fashion... hmm. better go to good ole' bloomingtons to get one. i wouldnt want be an outcast......would i...?

i am cool. so sue me.

uncoolness alert. i tink tat no matter hu you are, if ure seen with a badge like dat, you can never redeem yourself. you would be banished to eternal uncoolness. cos from what i see, those messages on the badges are never ever true. never.

poser.

anyways. school sux you know. and you know how stereotypical that comment is? jus google that and you will get a thousand findings..... ooo. jus to be sure i actually went to do it. hmm what's the result?

356,000

gosh.

anyways. i have to stop digressing. school is so pointless now. from the way i see it all i go to school for is to see my friends. lessons are pointless. teachers have to stop walking out on us. we aren't that bad are we? just because you didn't get posted to the top 5 junior colleges doesnt mean you have to take it out on us right????????? and hu even mentioned that they wanted to go anywhere else but your dear darling SA.

from what i see. you're just mad about your own fate. face it. ure not good enuf. they dun wan you.

who would?

gosh. people are so afraid of blogging nowadays. afraid in the sense that they dun wanna offend anyone? and because of that they talk about really dry things and they keep it all inside and one day they will just explode in front of the blardy monitor and have their innards splattered all over it. and some poor old auntie would have to clean all of that up. tsk tsk.

"hayoh! y so dirty one! wanna die also dunno how to die por-perly!"

but WHY? as long as what you blog is what u feel and its true and you really have no one else to talk to you about it. den just say it! i mean. no one can accuse you if you dun use names. they dun have any evidence. and since when has blogging become so controversial? dun keep it all inside... it's pointless. if you hate some one but you dun wanna offend that person, just paint it all over your blog. just go I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! and that person might read it and think: hmmm.... do you tink she's talking about me? poor old innocent me? can it be? did i do something to offend her? oh gosh. i must repent! i must!

and mayb, just mayb, if ure lucky, mayb she will start treating you nicer! tadah. you might just find yourself a new friend!

woo-pee-doo!

and dat is of course too idealistic to be true, but well. i did say. if ure lucky.

tra la la. you know what? i tink this blog is getting too misanthropic. it makes me sound like a life-hating moron. so what if i am. i must pretend. it is, afterall, the latest trend.

lets share the love!

but some how... just for some weird reason, i carn blog about good stuff. i guess the good stuff just shows on the outside like how tinsel hangs on christmas trees, but the bad stuff... ooo. those bad stuff. they stay on the inside. just like the teeny little termites grinding their way through the tree. you dun see them at first, but when you do, its much too late. amputation is the only option. therefore, it's good to cut a little here and there on the bark of the tree. u know, just look around for little malicious termites and squish them, like you've never squish before... it helps.

talking about termites in my life. there is this one termite which i just carn seem to squish. everytime i squish her she manages to revive herself and continue irritating me. mayb its time to bring out the baygon. for the love of mankind and little animals, you were the one hu told me she sucked. you were the one hu said u hated her. you were the one. always. blabbing and blabbing like aliens were gonna take your mouth away (dammit y din they). you were the one. and then, i had to be so gullible to write that blog entry, and then she saw it, and we are like here now, not knowing what to do with our friendship, a once beautiful relationship.

and then you had to, you just had to. didn't you? you fuckin traitor. gosh. have some backbone will ya? i know its really scary to be in a new environment not knowing whu's hu, and it's always better to have somewhere you knew from way before there with you, but the person you hate? correct me if i'm wrong, but that's wrong, isnt it? stop acting like you are all good and mighty. stop acting like you're the onli person hu's allowed to dislike others, and when others dislike you, you just act as though there's no reason y they should and they are just being children.

the child is you my girl. its you.

you hate fake people dun you? you do right. then i guess, it's ok for you to hate yourself.

...

there are countless things i hate about you. and there's no stopping till you finally see what an ugly monster you are. i wouldnt say became. cos when i knew you? right from the start, you were already little miss medusa.

u disgust me.

i am disturbed. by human behaviour.

2005-02-11T21:13:00.000-08:00

i have so many things to blog about but i jus carn seem to put my finger down on what they are. ok. mayb i should write a list of things that have been bothering me.

i dun miss TK. not tremendously unlike most of my frens. somebody tell me why.
im beginning to feel the stress balancing my school life and my social life.
y do i have so few ang baos? dats. like. not. fair.
y is my JC life so filled with scandals? (um not about me. but seems to be about EVERYONE else?)
y are girls such bitches?
y am i about to go meet my 'best friends' when they are really not.......'my best friends'?

ok... i have to begin somewhere, dun i. yes. i do not understand y. i dun feel a sense of longing for my alma mater, not at all? the thing is, was i really happy in TK? did i really enjoy my 4 years in dere? it seems to natural for everyone to say 'i miss TK! i miss all the cheers and the fun time we had! i miss the all girls environment. i miss everyone!'.

do they really?

cos i dun. firstly, i dun really miss everyone. there are certain people from TK hu i would much prefer not have around. oh. in fact, it seems as though i am avoiding people fromTK hu are in SA now. it seems i would much prefer starting out with a clean slate. i dun wan people going:

'oh. she has changed, hasnt she. she jus doing everything to be liked now. oh look. she has even changed her name! wow!'

it seems i have a phobia for green girls walking around in an otherwise not very green environment. SA is so damn pink. ew. dun get me wrong. i dun mind pink, but pink for a school? its jus........ a bit........wrong.

anyway, people were asking me whether im going back to TK for CNY, and the answer no immediately came to mind. i mean. what is the point of going back, for me, especially. i noe people go back to see their friends and stuff but i question myself, do i really miss them? do they really wanna see me? and i have this nagging feeling that it wouldnt really matter whether i'm there. i guess i never really felt appreciated in TK. yes. dats y. dats y it all doesnt' really matter to me no more.

u noe, i've never really felt so happy in school than i feel now. i have met the bestest friends a girl could have. at least, that's what i feel now. like what a certain person from my class said. it jus seems so perfect, so slick, so rehearsed. but somehow, jus somehow, it feels as though these friends that i have made in these few months, they feel real, it's like they really care. and i dun really give a shit how things would turn out later on and if everyone starts turning into bitch-headed-monsters. it doesn't matter. cos now. jus right now, i noe i am happy, with them, and it's them hu have made me happy. and i really really appreciate it.

but.

everything has its downside too doesnt it. there is just one aspect of SA life which i haven gotten quite used to. bowling. yes i noe it sounds weird cos i have been bowling since i was in sec1 and i should really like it and i should noe most people from bowling, but i jus totally HATE it now? like really really dread it? when nic msged me yesterday tat there wasnt going to be training todae, i was filled with euphoria! it seemed as though the world was perfect. i swear i could almost hear a lark singing somewhere, despite the fact that it was alreadi 23.30.

i got lucky, didn't i.

next week, training will commence as usualy and i will have to drag my corpse down to SAFRA and do the whole damned routine again. can somebody enlighten me. y i carn seem to click with my bowling 'pals'? y do they all seem like weirdos to me when im quite sure they really arent? i dun hate them you know, its jus as though they always know something i dun and i really really cannot tune in to their frequency, whatever that it.

and that 'L' thing? it's just too annoying. too damn annoying.

gosh. honestly.... i wanna say 'get a life'? but i guess i better not annoy people further, judging from the status i have now in bowling, if i actually said dat and someone from bowling sees it, i would be a goner. totally.gone.

a lost case.

it does occur to me though. dat actually, it is really my fault. it's me hu doesn't socialise with them often enough. but as i said, it's just so weird trying to talk to them. it's as though I am from another planet, not them. and everytime i see them in school, they always give me a 'i dun really wanna say hi? but i have to if not i would look mean.... and dats so not me?' look.

and yes, i noe i dun fit in. try not to announce it to the whole world?

'from now on i shall be anti-bowling, just like Pei Lin, onli hang out with her CG.'

it's not funny. if that's the effect u are trying to achieve.

gosh. tis is depressing. goodbye.

it took alot for me to say this

and it's not really me to do it

but there

i said it

there's no going back

hate me

for all u like

it doesnt really matter

more.

oh ahoy. bananas in the rooster year.

2005-02-08T03:21:00.000-08:00

tis the festive sea-son
tra la la la la
la la la la
chop the chicken up to pieces
tra la la la la
la la la la
though its rooster yea-er
its ok
chop them up
la la la.

(sing to the tune of tis the season to be jolly)

right.

you know something.
i hate chinese new year.
i totally hate it.
down to the reunion dinner and the visitings.
the onli thing i like about it is the ang baos and bak kua

call me money-faced and a glutton. dats me.

i jus dun get it!
every year, about now, i would have to drag my reluctant ass off the chair and get sent off to my uncle's house for scrutiny.

step right up!
step right up!
all are welcomed to scrutinize
see the freak?
prod her.
question her.
patronise her.

' wah! so big alreadi huh!'
um. no. i haven grown 5 feet the last time you saw me. im actually STILL THE SAME HEIGHT! (puts on a look of horror)

'really huh! but u look so big now!'
mayb because you have shrunk you old-auntie-whom-i-am-probably-not-related-to-but-claims-she-knows-me-cos-all-the-other-children-have-been-victimised-and-i-am-the-onli-one-left.

'what school you in now huh?'
'um SAJC... St Andrews'
'oh...... dat one huh. y never go RJ or AC?'
'...'
um. because i wouldnt want to graduate a few years later and end up in the same alumni as you you proud uppity peanut-brain bi*atch. and yes. i noe cousin x is studying there and your daughter too? oh pity i couldnt carry on the tradition. oh but last time i heard. she got in through appeal... hmmm. point to ponder.

yes. you see y now? it seems as though everybody is so excited about chinese new year. but i honestly dun see the point. i would much prefer a reunion dinner jus with my own family, not my extended one. some how. just some how. i feel so insecure when i'm with them. i stand out of the picture and i look at my extended family. the word pretentious comes to mind.

i remember having this conversation with my cousins somewhere last year. yes i try to minimize my contact with them. we were talking about ah bengs and some how the topic para para came up. note: the characters involved in this conversation are as follows.

one acs barker alumni
one acs i boy
one rjc girl
one acjc alumni
and sadly, sticking out like a sore thumb, a tkgs girl. dats me.

add them together and you will get a banana milkshake, with a tinge of parsley (dats me cos my school u is so infamously green). at this point i would like to clarify. we use the word BANANA to describe people hu are chinese on the outside but have this illusion dat they are caucasians. hence, BANANA.

yes i noe. para para is super unglam and super hilarious (when you are watching), but that doesnt call for discrimination and generalisation, does it?

you see, they were going on and on about how EVERYONE, i repeat ANYONE hu dances para para is a LOSER. they were saying how stupid those people look and how they would never ever be caught dancing para. and then i thought. if anyone hu dances para is and idiot, den how come Aaron Kwok does it in Para Para Sakura. so are you telling me the entire JAPANESE NATION are fools? remember, these are the people hu invented your computer, the blardy car you are driving, and dat damn smelly cologne you are wearing. so tell me, are you purchasing a fools invention? wouldnt dat make u a fool too? you can say i am out of point, but since they are willing to make lazy generalisations, y can't i?

i know i know. they do look funny when they dance para, but hey, dats their perogative, isnt it. if they tink it makes them look good, then let them live in their la-la-land, hu are you to judge them. are u any better, you banana hybrid?

( i have to make a confession here. i do laugh at people playing para, but at least i dun speak about them with such distaste. the thing which incensed me the most was how they spoke as though they were of a higher class. fills me with disgust.)

i can never get it across to my parents why i refuse to attend family celebrations. i can never garner the courage to tell them how i feel about my family. a friend of my recently attented a small family dinner out at east coast park. after the dinner he told me exacly what i needed to hear to make sure i wasnt just being a sore thumb in my otherwise surface-perfect family. he said my relatives were extremely pushy and pretentious.

oh, here's another anecdote to share with you.
we were at that dinner, at ECP. it happened to be a bistro, alfresco styled. all they served was pizza and pasta and the occasional fly which fluts around and so unfortunately falls in your food, alfresco styled. anyways. fun fact: my mum hates cheese. she HATES it. she takes flight when she smells it. so tell me what on earth can she eat there? perhaps the fly but that would be a bit too cavemen style. wouldnt it?

so she jus kept quiet, to be polite, and ordered something non-cheese AND non-appetizing. so she was minding her own business, poking at her un-appetizing dinner, hoping for a little bit of meat from a passing fly, and then my auntie did the unthinkable.

she offered my mum a slice of pizza.

gosh. talk about insensitivity. dats like offering pork to muslims. like back off alreadi! and the thing was she did it more than once and she actually pushed the slice of vermin (vermin to my mum lah. i love pizza.) onto my mum's plate and said with a straight face;

'got no cheese one. you must try. come come .eat .eat'

eat your blardy balls lahz. my mum politely refused and my dad even said twice she blardy doesnt eat cheese lah. carn u get dat to your heavily permed, heavily dyed, heavily fried brain, you heavy dose of irritance? thank god i'm not blood-related to you.

gosh. please. spare me from those rotten bananas. lemme have a nice CHINESE, repeat, CHINESE new year. not an ang-moish one, and i would be so grateful, i would even dance Para Para.

...

if you would stop fluttering around
mayb i would be able to smack you
with an electric fly swatter

tis. above. dedicated to a certain friend of mine. =)

of scandals and Bi*atches

2005-01-27T05:41:00.000-08:00

After much nagging from my dear Ee Li (dat reminds me so much of Ili-tkgs everytime i call out her name), i have decided to resume blogging.

blogging is one bad bad thing. blogging is a weapon. a very powerful powerful weapon. it verifies the saying 'the pen holds more power than the sword' or whatever it's supposed to be. blogging. is, wait for this... evil.

which is y i do it =)

anyways.

am jus starting to fit in in SA. i wonder. if i say the school sux will any teacher be crazy enough to google "SA SUX LIKE HELL!" ? i guess i shall just have to wait and see. All hail the dominatrix from the USSR! Bring out the leather suit and the horse tail whip. woopiah!

SA is fine, mighty fine, just not great enough for me to say it's SUPER FUN. or so i quote from people from AC and VJ. oh well. what kind i do. i made the choice didn't i. and it's not as if i would have it any other way.

lyk so duh! im not cool enough for AC. i was about to say s*perf*cial, but i was afraid i might offend the Acsians, all acs(i), acs(b) and acsjunior AND acsprimary and acsalumni AND acsgroupies And acs janitors association. All thousands of them.

oh wait. i've said it already, haven i?

okok. now about SA. my class is cool. well. a bit weird, but cool. weird in what way? i really can't quite place it. the people perhaps? 3 guys, and a horde of girls, and one... im not too sure. haha ok ok fine. he's a guy. and he is quite nice. stop it peilin, stop it, stop being mean.

=)

you know what? i am going to take an oath. from this day on, i Denise Lim Pei Lin, shall refrain from gossiping. if i ever succumb to the temptation of bitch-a-mania, i shall onli tell 1 person everything i wan to bitch about. i shall stop telling every single person i noe how much i hate A, or B, or C, yes, even the auntie sitting outside the toilet who collects 10cents. i'm sorry auntie, i have to do this, but can you still give me free toilet paper?

bitching is bad. bitching makes me look bad, and dat doesnt happen often. yes. i am narcissitic, so sue me till my pants drop off (some chinese saying gao dao ni ku zhi diao! HAHAHA), so then i can moon you with my beautiful arse.

gosh. there is something very very wrong with dat woman you know? she has such an acid tongue. just shut your face will ya? doesnt your brain feel numb from all that thinking of how to rebuke? doesnt your conscience bother you? don't you feel the least bit perturbed by how subnormal you are? oh. spare me lord. spare me from the gaping hole in her head.

give me a gun
and i will blast her head
give me a knife
and i will cut off her tongue
give me a screw driver
and i will drive it up
um
the other hole

yay. im such a poet.

ps. sorry Ee Li, if this was not very entertaining. am having blogger's block and half of me has the intention to run off to watch american idol. oh wait. dat half has jus won. =)

oh bad peilin. bad bad girl.

dying in 5 secs. try not to miss me?

2004-12-28T23:46:00.000-08:00

the holidays have never been so mundane. and neither have my friends' blogs. i dunno why but perhaps they think listing their daily routine might spark interest in others to read their blogs.

i mayb wrong.

perhaps they DUN wan anyone to read them. but thats when you call it a diary and it comes with a cute little golden key and is not plastered all oer th net rite? if im not mistaken. or perhaps im wrong again.

i have never felt so much contempt. never. ever. or perhaps i have. considering i'm such a misanthropic person. for me, there are always things and things which could make me hate the world. a whole list of things. but anyway, i shall stop digressing. you see, there is this one person hu i have always felt with ok, mayb not the most, but a fair amount of liking for, but now, after 2 years, things hav seriously gone lime sour in my department.

mayb i should explain.

2 years ago, we met, we talked, we found out more about each other. i thought she was really nice. easy-going, everything was good. although we often did not express our affections openly to each other, but we knew there, that was a friendship that was hard to come by.

i knew, that i have not done everything in my part as the other player in the game of friendship, but i have tried.

sometime, in sec 3. things started to change. she got a haircut! you would think. what would her getting a haircut do to this so called 'best friends relationship'. firstly, you must understand human nature. Put yourself in the perspective of a NAF club member (NAF is sort of a acronym for a club for overweight kids to work out in school). if you had worked hard AND managed to shed off all that pounds, and now you more or less look like the 'popular crowd', would you still wanna hang out with the other 'fatties' dat had slog their guts away with you? would you still be the same low self-esteem, high blood pressure walking timebomb?

i noe dats not really an appropriate way to put it, but the bottom line is. she became increasingly self-conscious and look-conscious and all the other consciousness you can come up with. DEN... self praise came along. im sure you have heard of the line 'self praise is international disgrace'. yes yes, it is quite corny any all, but it IS true.

self praise offers nothing but a hell lot of raised eyebrows and goosebumps. esp when what ever you are praising yourself about is not true. not true at all.

so then, she went on a self-praise spree. oh. how fun. it was always about how nice her hair was, how slim she was, or rather in comparison how fat everyone else was.

Her fave question was/is 'eh, what happened to your face ah.'

nothing. i jus told my plastic surgeon to make me look like you.

f*cking annoying.

and the hardest thing to swallow is, you know she's saying it to make herself look better. you know that line about what happened to your face? i have heard others say it before, and i know, jus some where down there in my bowels, that they really do mean it. but when she says it, a blast of cold wind hits me squarely in the face and i jus stand there, trying to be nice and not slam her face with a f*cking trout. indeed, self restraint is my latest hobby.

and oh mighty now, self praise is not where she stops on her route to self-destruction. she starts with the showing off, and its freaking materialistic.

its always about this latest thing, some camera of some sort, some shoe dat everyone on the street has been seen wearing. its always about something. and then the showing off part comes. however, i must admit, she does it with skill. perhaps dats y everyone thinks its a joke, but i, the one with the third eye, sees it all. there are always underline double meanings in her words.

thus, when she got a new handphone, she started her own little monologue which probably went (dat was pretty long ago):

'oooh... loook...what's this? oh....its a fone! oohhh look.. it is square and really quite ugly but i am gonna pretend its really nice because I already bought it. awww... look. there's a camera. ain't dat cute. oh oh. you dun hav camera functions in your fone? dat so sad! i feel so so sorry for you!'

yes something like dat. and when i rebuke, dat actually the fone is actually quite fugly and looks strangely alike to a kind of hand held game (i am not saying what) she just stares at me and says 'humph. I dun care because i already bought the fone and although i agree it looks like the hand held game i cannot, i simply refuse to agree with you because then, i would look stupid! no! i refuse!'

obviously i made all the conversations up, but as i had explained, i have the third eye, and i have a birds eye view into her puny brain.

and then, as fate would have it, i got a new fone. now, i have to admit. i really do love my fone a lot, and i would not deny dat i really do seek approval from others about how gorgeous it is. and then came her reprisal of my fone.

'orh. dat fone ah. so and so has it right? explored before already lahz.' This is said complete with an un-impressed look while she presses a few buttons here and there.

and then, came something that made me roll my eyes madly, of course in private, she would definitely not have me rolling my eyes at her. cos she would say something like 'sigh. i carn do dat. my eyes are soooo big. i'm afraid they would drop out of their sockets, as although i have studied biology, my brain refuses to register the fact that my eyes are held firmly by nerves and the want to show off my pretty eyes overuns my common sense.'

okok. i shall stop making her monologue.

so then, my fone rang. it was so happened dat i was holding a bottle of water and i could not possibly perform an acrobatic stunt by opening my bag, flipping open my fone and biting the bottle with my trusty old canines, so the smart thing was, of course, to get some one to hold the bottle for me.

yes. hold the bottle, not give me unconstructive comments.

so i asked nicely, 'could you help me hold the bottle?'. she took it, and then i successfully answered the call. to the untrained eye, it was a simple and innocent act which should not have garnered any snide comment, but alas, i was wrong.

'see lah, buy flip fone, now cannot answer with one hand.'

WOW. u think mayb if i answer all my calls with one hand, nokia would give me a long service award? oh pick me pick me!

or mayb, jus mayb, dat there's this new sickness-dualhanditis. its when you answer your calls with two hands and then this uncurable virus would enter your veins via the telephone and attack your immune system and you will die in...hmm give it... 5 secs?

thanks for you concern, but no thanks.

i simply cannot remember how many times i have rolled my eyes, secretly, of course(remember what would happen if she sees me doing dat?), when jus having a casual conversation with her. i feel as though i am standing in the middle of a firing range and slow-witted NS men are trying to aim at anything but their targets. every few seconds, a bullet whizzes by and i thank god dat i have survived another conversation without having to take out my own gun and shoot her in the face, cos if i do dat, i am pretty convinced it would be a shot to the head.

actually, i have a loads more to b*tch about this fren, or non-fren of mine, but what might follow would really consider her private life and might have dire consequences, and thus, i have decided to be kind and spare dat little canary ( a fren of a fren of mine hu happens to stand on the same side of the island with me bestowed dat nickname to her. actually, its worse. its tweety bird.).

i have heard. b*tching is bad for the body. but what the heck. i already have dualhanditis. don't i.

i dun hate you
if you see this
i am sorry
but
friends say the most cruel and honest things
well at least
true friends do

meRry xMas!!!!

2004-12-25T19:25:00.000-08:00

First things first, MERRY XMAS everyone who might read this. It has been on hell of an uneventful year but i shall leave that to New Year's Day to blog about.

SO... just yesterday, a fren of mine told me something really disturbing about another fren(or non-fren) of mine. Let's jus call the former Santa and the latter Rudolph(for festive reasons). What i heard stuck to my mind and i remember it word for word.

We were talking about Rudolph and her newly-found boyfren and then Santa suddenly spoke up.

"you know ah, that day i went out with Rudolph. yep, but her bf wasnt there."
"then what happened?"
"we were playing pool den she suddenly told me 'Eh Santa, i haven kissed him today leh' "

At this pt i'm like, what the hell?!?! Isn'tit more socially accepted if you said this to the mirror or to a passing frog, instead of a poor innocent girl friend of your hu jus happened to be unlucky enuf to be present. oh. spare those NC-16 details. But wait. That's not where it ends...

Santa cont. abt the conversation.

S: oh....ok.... (tries to look away)
R: yeah. but we don't kiss on the escalator.

just in case you both lose your balance, tumble down and die so no one will have to listen to unecessary verbal ponography? Dammit. Why did that not hapen.

Anyway, after explaining how she and her bf follow the rules of non-PDA ie Public Displays of Affection so faithfully, she went on to add in another statement to her monologue (i dun think she realised)- the one which incencsed me to write this.

R: you know, we don't make out as often as Pei Lin and her bf.

You see, if you would just analyse the statement she had made, you would realised two very disturbing facts.

How many times does she think my bf and i make out? Or for the record, do we even do dat? and,
How would she noe?

Does she plant cameras and bugs or making out censors everywhere we go? OR, does she bribe every shopping centre's security guard to peep into stair cases/toilets/small smelly corners to keep check on her 'Pei Lin & bf making out counter'? That's just too creepy to think about. And, most importantly, is that something you compare about? Doesn't she feel that this topic is much too sensitive, much too personal to tell a third party. Its perfectly fine if she shares these useless thoughts with her bf but to a gf whom she's not exactly best frens with? That's jus not rightt.

You know what? I'm beginning to think she keeps track on how often she herself makes out with god-knows-what. oh wait. by her saying that they make out less, isnt't dat saying that they HAVE been making out. Not that i'm saying it's wrong but would you really want the world to know what happens between you and your bf when you guys have a chance to grope at each other?

Besides... since they follow the PDA rules so strictly, then i guess they just have to do it behind closed doors, and THAT jus leaves more to my colourful imagination.

Awww. daddy's little girl is all grown up...

if he only knew =>

Ps This fren happens to be a rather close fren of mine, and if she reads this and gets peeved i would like to tell her dat i was jus pissed and i probably wrote this in a pique. but oh well. she should really watch her mouth.

another past entry

2004-12-22T07:38:00.000-08:00

tis all very useless. u think?-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
impossible to forget nor forgive
memories down that path
straight up to the gate
one day two days
one thousand four hundred and sixty
perhaps not that whole number
considering hol's and all

tears she cried.hidden.
never seen
never could be seenhidden.
friends.goodbye.
tis all very sad and all
she noes
detach.perhaps that's the best solution
you pretty doll.now come on.dun ruin that mascara.
tonight.she thinks
the very last timetogether.
all dolled up for an emotional funeral.
what for? she said.

oh look there!
say cheese.capture those souls.
some there.in solid.some in her heart.
embroided with a prickly needle.
dun leave.stay together.tie them up with a glass thread
easily broken. easily detached.

she can't.
put up that strong facade.
like always
lock dat heart up in its ademantium cell
throw the key away
dun cry
dun ruin dat mascara.

transferred blog entry from dieded blog.

2004-12-22T07:33:00.000-08:00

it is annoying. some times to read other people's blogs.but then again. its your own fault for letting your own inquisitiveness, or should i say 'busybodi-ness' get in the way.

it sucks. absolutely. to not know what the hell the person is saying. well because bascially you are not that well involved in said person's life. but den again. it is your own fault again. isnt it.

its like. u wanna know who that 'he' or that 'you' refers to in certain phrases such as you did it again. how could you. you don't know what i am saying. cos you dun care.'

dat sorta thing.
do you wonder. whether the author is speaking of you sometimes.
it is not possible to tell isit

and den again. it is absolutely embarrassing to let blog owner know dat you have been following his/her writing since forever, probing into her personal life which coincidentally is published to the shamelessly gossip hungry public on the world wide web... for some reason. i cannot fathom.
and for the same reason. i blog too.

i wonder.
do people read my blog and ponder. is she talking about me or like. is she upset bcos of wad happened on the xx day xx month?

isit jus me. or does every serial blog reading enthusiast think dat way too?
once again. i carn ask rite? im not suppose to care wad blogownerA or blogownerB or so and so think. rite?

den again. some times you dun noe the person well at all like you dun even talk to each other full time. but yet. you chance upon the latter's blog and you plunge into his/her life with no warning. you read. you ponder. you think.
dats not how he/she seems like to you.dats not the kinda person you think he/she is.he/she is not that bad/proud/bimbotic/airheadish as you though he/she was.

oh well so much for food for thought. im sleepy.
signing off. serial blog reader.
you have been warned.

blog spree...

2004-12-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

look around you. everyone's wearing a mask. hu's true hu's not. you never know. you'll never want to know. monster at face, angel at heart. hide dat ugly exterior. dun let the world see you. they will spare no mercy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Masquerade!Paper faces on parade . . .Masquerade!Hide your face,so the world willnever find you!Masquerade!Every face a different shade . . .Masquerade!Look around -there's anothermask behind you!

Flash of mauve . . .Splash of puce . . .Fool and king . . .Ghoul and goose . . .Green and black . . .Queen and priest . . .Trace of rouge . . .Face of beast . . .Faces . . .Take your turn, take a rideon the merry-go-round . . .in an inhuman race . . .Eye of gold . . .Thigh of blue . . .True is false . . .Who is who . . .?Curl of lip . . .Swirl of gown . . .Ace of hearts . . .Face of clown . . .Faces . . .Drink it in, drink it up,till you've drowned in the light . . .in the sound . . .

the love of a life. a truly boring movie till the last hour. watch it still.

2004-12-20T21:39:00.000-08:00

RAOULNo more talkof darkness,Forget these wide-eyed fears.I'm here,nothing can harm you -my words will warm and calm you.Let me be your freedom,let day light dry -your tears.I'm here,with you, beside you,to guard you and to guide you . . .

CHRISTINESay you love me every waking moment,turn my head with talk of summer
time . . .Say you need me with you,now and always . . .promise me that all you say is true -that's all I ask of you . . .

RAOULLet me be your shelter,let me be your light.You're safe:No-one will find you your fears are far behind you . . .

CHRISTINEAll I want is freedom,a world with no more night . . .and you always beside me to hold me and to hide me . . .

RAOULThen say you'll share withme on elove, one lifetime . . .let me lead you from your solitude . . .Say you need me with you here, beside you . . .anywhere you go,let me go too -Christine,that's all I ask of you . . .

CHRISTINESay you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .say the word and I will follow you . . .

BOTHShare each day with me, each night, each morning . . .

CHRISTINESay you love me . . .

RAOULYou know I do . . .

BOTHLove me -that's all I askof you . . Anywhere you go let me go too . . .Love me -that's all I askof you . .

CHRISTINEI must go -they'll wonder where I am . . .wait for me, Raoul!

RAOULChristine, I love you!

CHRISTINE;Order your fine horses!Be with them at the door!

RAOULAnd soon you'll be beside me!

CHRISTINEYou'll guard me, and you'll guide me . . .

lame.. ass...

2004-12-20T21:21:00.000-08:00

so. den... i was packing my room dat day and after being attacked by numerous dust mites, i braved the dust storm and emerged with a piece of foolscap. too my amaze i realised the content.... was full of cow shit.

here's what it says:
Why you need a raise in your pocket money:
Children often wonder why cash never seems to be enuf and always depletes so quickly. well, just in case you are one of them, here are some reasons you can use to convince your parents to give you a raise in your pocket money.

you may need the money for emergencies like when you decide that you would like some more lunch.
you need the money because your teacher wants every single pupil to show her a specimen of the hundred-dollar note in social studies class.
you want to donate the money to the HCS(hungry children society), partly because you are in the society too.
you need to decorate the classroom with paper aeroplanes made out of money notes.

Reasons for not handing up your home work:

my ever hungry dog ate up my assignment which i had left near its dish
a virus must have infected me and i tore my worksheet up, one of the symptoms of the virus: tearing up items.
i must have left it in the safe box while i was depositing my valuables
i finished it but i left it in my dad's car which was sent for servicing.
my printer decided to have a snack and it swallowed my homework.
the homework was so tough i thought i'd just have to leave it to solve itself.
i thought 'next week' meant ten years later.

poison of your beauty

seep into my skin

i'm a sinner

a slave for your love

i crave for your touch

and your endless words

bAnanAs.....

2004-12-20T04:41:00.000-08:00

hi. its me again. at the pig sty. having fun? i guess u could sae so. tis mah new blog btw. Anyway.

The Chalet is tmr!!!!!!!

we are supposed to get satays (is dat the colour of satay anyway), hotdogs (the red kind. quote from mr eu dee so red it shall be)

got no money. shall make mah own hotdogs. suggestion? um frog skin with yummy fish eyeball stuffing. Oh, how delightful!!!

Conversation between Harold, Kumar, and the drive thru attendent at Burger Shack.
" better stay away from the sauce, there's a secret inredient... semen."
" hahahaha... yea rite..."
" Animal Semen"
"ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" (speeds away with look of horror)

Alas. the boogymen strike again.

Now. onto a happier topic.

EUPHORIA!!!! ISNT TIS JUS THE COLOUR OF EUPHORIA????

anyway. i got a new fone! yep a nokia 6260. allow me to digress.

POP QUIZ!!!! (annoying clown music comes on)
Q Where did Nokia come from?

hahaha. betcha dunno. and on to further digression.

FUN FACT: did you know that humans and bananas share 60% of the same DNA?

dats right. interesting eh? and to tink we believe we are higher beings. little do we know we are jus 40% away from becoming... a fruit.

OK. enuf of digressing. now now let me lament on this fone of mine. its silver. it can turn 90 degrees to the left and 180 degrees to the right. the camera is fine. a lil blur but usuable. everything else is the same as every other colour fone.

yep. isnt dat jus the most elaborate descriptions ever? thus. i can conclude i cannot be a reporter and write movie reviews. they will jus go like dat:

the movie was great. the lighting in the cinema-so so. couple making out in front provided extra sound effects. air-con- too cold. i give it 3 and a half mighty overcooked, overpriced, extremely fattening popcorns! WOOPEEDO!

haha. korean shows are so dumb. seriously. ok. mayb not all but this particular one aka attack of the gas station. it goes like this.

"dadada. yakity yakity. f*ck u! sh*tty B*astards"
"ya. u sh*tty B*astards. heads down!"

(the captives proceed to put the heads down in head stand position. legs apart but on the floor. both hands behind the back)

and basically the rest of the show proceeds in said motion. yakity sh*t b*astards. den... "heads down! yes you! you (oh wad a surprise!) sh*tty b*astard!"

and basically its funny without the intention of being funny bcos the subtitles are so damn screwed up!

ok. there's this part where the attacker of the gas station decides to kidnap an ill bred silicon queen and he plays a game with her. basically the objective of the game is to use the last syllabus of the word ya oppenents says and use it as the starting of your word. if one cannot continue, dat person has to take off one piece of his/her clothing, but expectedly in such young punk korean movies, the woman takes off her clothes to reveal a black bra complete with lacy black underwear (wad else makes this movie worth watching?) and the guy stares in awe. the scene's all very funny and all but the subtitles make no sense at all.

it's like.
"Balls."
"Ballies"
and so on and so forth. all in all. it doesnt do any good to the already deterioting DNA of the human mind.

may i be so kind as to warn you.

we are only so much away from being Bananas.

=>